One week old....

Well, here we are. We've made it to our one week mark. Lucas is doing pretty good so far. He is strong, he is beautiful and he is loved.
Yesterday I was discharged from the hospital, finally. After having a spinal headache that just wouldn't go away, I was diagnosed with post pardom pre-eclampsia. Go figure. I have been really healthy this whole pregnancy, and afterwards I get sick. My pressure went down after a night of magnesium and blood pressure meds. The doctor knew how badly I wanted out of there, so she let me go. I am feeling pretty good besides being weak. After a full week of being in bed and not walking, its taking some time to get used to it again.
Yesterday morning Lucas had surgery. It was to repair the hole in his diaphragm and to prevent the hernia from coming back. They put him on the ventilator to keep him from exerting himself and he is still on it today. The surgery went well and they were able to get the stomach where it should be and also put in a feeding tube in. Today they are planning on giving him a blood transfusion, since the surgery left him a little anemic. His esophagus is also a little big after surgery, so they are keeping an eye on that too.
I am hoping that I will be able to hold him soon. I haven't since Wednesday afternoon and its just killing me. Its a strange feeling. Being pregnant for months and then giving birth and not holding your child. Its almost like he's not mine. Its really confusing. But when I see him, it all changes. I think that last night was really good and really bad. I went home because I needed to see Joshua and to just get things together. It was great to spend some time with Joshua and be in my own bed. But it was so hard to come home without Lucas. To see his crib empty was just terrible. Knowing that he was so far away and I was at home relaxing was just... the pits, I guess. Getting here today was hard too. Not knowing what lies ahead is so hard, especially for me. If you know me, you know that I am a planner and an organizer, and this has been a real curve ball. But once I got here, I relaxed a bit and I am trying to settle in.
I am hoping that writing this helps me deal with things a bit. I know that people go through this every day. People deal with things so much worse. But with all the emotions that my body is dealing with and just adjusting, I am quite a wreck. I hope that those of you who are reading this pray for us. Please pray that Lucas heals, I heal and we all are together soon.
I will keep updating here and writing out my feelings. Feel free to email me or comment. I really appreciate it. And if you want to come and see the little guy, we should be able to figure it out!