Monday, December 5, 2011

Its about time....

So, I am single. Yay.
(Please read that with heavy sarcasm.)

I am sick of being single. I guess I don't really know how to do it. I was with my ex-husband since I was at the young, stupid age of 18. We split when I was 30. Yeah, thats a long feakin time. I wasn't single very long before I started dating Brian. And even though we aren't together anymore, we had a pretty fantastic relationship. He fulfilled so much that I needed in my life at that time. He was supportive and he listened and made me smile everyday. He showed me attention and affection that I had never know while I was married. I know that Brian and I weren't meant to be together, but I am still thankful for him in my life when he was.

But now, here I sit.... alone. I try to figure out why I want a relationship so much. I am surrounded, ALL THE TIME, by people. I have two fabulous kids who I love more than anything. I take care of them, provide, love and encourage. I have two parents in my life everyday, who are my best friends. I share my daily life with them and they with me. They encourage me and love me and support me. They listen and comfort me.

So why do I feel the need for a man?

I have typed and erased quite a bit after asking myself that question. Nothing seemed to fit, but this:

I have love in my heart to give to a man. I lead an amazing and rewarding, but extremely challenging life, that I know only a special man can handle. I want so badly to find him, and give my love to him.

I've been lucky enough to have been through a bad realtionship and a good one (did I just actually say that?), to know what I want AND what I need. Sometimes, those lines get a little foggy, but I still have the list. I wonder if that man is out there? Seriously. Is that even realistic?

So here is the problem. I am extremely impatient. Bad.
Everyone tells me that I can't go searching for love and relationships. But why can't I? I know what I want. I have the list, remember?
Sitting around and waiting for some random man to knock on my door, or grab the same bunch of banana's at the grocery store, or sit next to me on the bus....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. There are many reasons- people don't go knocking on doors anymore. There are usually like 50 bunches of bananas at the grocery store. The odds of that are ridiculous. And me, ride a bus in Watertown? Ain't gonna happen.

So anyway, this is my blog entry for today.
I want a man. I want to be in love. I want to find the one that will love me and my crazy, insane personality. Someone who wants me to bake them everything, who'll go run with me, hold my hand in the car, notice the little details, sing to me at inappropriate times, make mature decisions with me, make me smile and laugh everyday, no matter what. Someone who will let me be a picky eater, but make me try new things. I want a man who will melt my heart. Someone who will love my boys and understand their unique individual qualities, basically want the mess that is my life.

Is that too much to ask?!