Monday, September 21, 2009

My 100th Blog!

To commemorate my 100th post, I thought I'd put together a little video of my amazing little boy. This blog was to mostly talk about him and our lives with him. So I thought this was a good way to celebrate.

Thank you for reading and posting comments. This blog has been a great way for me to share my feelings and emotions and its been so therapeutic. Enjoy.

One more thing about this song that I choose. When I was 20 weeks and we heard the news about Lucas, we went to church that Sunday. We laid our hearts out to God and begged and pleaded that He heal our baby. We were told that he wouldn't survive the pregnancy and if he did, he would suffer a terrible life. While at church, sobbing, we were taught this song. If you really listen to the words, its amazing. Every time I hear it I am filled with emotion from that day and that pregnancy. It was the most encouraging song that I've ever heard. God sure knows what He's doing.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

History of the hubbs

I don't talk much about my husband on blogger much. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking the most I ever say is that we've had a really hard 9 years of marriage. I say that a lot, mostly because its really true. Its been a long, very hard, 9 years.

Josh and I have been through almost everything imaginable. You name it, we've dealt with some aspect if it in our lives together. We started dating the summer I graduated from high school. Neither of us were looking for anything serious. I was having a fun summer before I went off to college and he was a young single soldier just having a good time. But when we met, there was just something different and we never looked back. We got serious fast. I knew that I truly loved him only a few weeks after we started seeing each other. I had never been in a serious relationship before, so I fell hard. He was used to the girlfriend thing, so it wasn't so new. By that next summer, he flew me to WA to meet his family. What a big step. Then that November, he proposed. It was perfect, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

May 13, 2000 we were married and a week later I turned 20 and moved to Hawaii. It happened so fast, and its hard to even remember. Over the span of 3 years living in Hawaii, we grew apart. It was a strange situation living there. He had his own life, and most of the time it felt like I had mine. We tried starting a family, but faced a huge wall of infertility. a whole year was devoted to testing and treatment.

February of 2003 we moved to Texas. We found out that I was pregnant on the way there. Once there, Josh left for training and I stayed back to settle in. While 'settling', I had a miscarriage. Alone. I knew no one and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. When Josh came home, he was told he was going to Iraq in a month. It was a really difficult month. I was dealing with emotions of losing a baby, and Josh was dealing with deploying. It was very weird. In May 03, he left. It was a strange goodbye. It wasn't very emotional. I don't think either of us had any clue of what we to expect.

Months and months went by and it was the hardest thing we've ever been through. It was devastating, lonely, sad, OK, every emotion imaginable. Josh came home February of 2004. It was amazing. It was thrilling. It was scary. When Josh got home there wasn't much help for soldiers dealing with issues. So what he did was drink his emotions away. Well, that's never a good decision. He became an alcoholic and a scary one at that. But through it all, we tried to get pregnant again. We were successful, and I became pregnant with Joshua in February of 2005. That summer was the worst summer of all. Josh crashed the car and got in trouble with the Army. It was crazy. Luckily he had one Lieutenant that really cared for him and he tried everything to help. He was able to get Josh out of the Army with an honorable discharge. We got out in November 2005, 2 weeks after Joshua was born.

We were so happy getting out of the Army. We really thought that everything was going to turn around for us. But instead they just got worse. Finally Josh got some help. He went into a couple treatment programs for PTSD and alcohol. He was doing better, but not perfect by any means.

We went on like this for a while. And even started trying to have another baby. I'm not sure why we decide to try and have babies when we are having marriage issues, but hey, that seems to be what we do. LOL.

I finally left Josh in October of 2007. I was to my end and I was done. That fall after I left, Josh finally changed. He turned over his life to God and really wanted a new life. After about 5 weeks, I decided to try one last time. I went back to WA and we started counseling. It was great. And what do you know? I got pregnant. We had never been happier and life was finally starting to go the way we had wanted.

Halfway through our pregnancy, we found out about some issues with Lucas. We never expected anything and we were so devastated. I was a wreck. Josh was unemployed and it was a really hard start to our year. But Josh showed me how he had changed. He was so loving and supportive. It was amazing. I truly fell in love with him again. And when Lucas was born, another side to Josh emerged.

The reason I write this is to explain why I always say we've had a long hard 9 years. Because its true. There are so many reasons for me not to be with my husband. But there are so many more reasons why I should.

Josh is a kind man. He can be gentle and loving. He is strong and brave. Courageous and tough. He is a lover and a fighter. He is forgiving. He is sweet. He loves me. He loves our boys. He is supportive in anything I do. And boy is he is handsome.

Even through all of this, I love Josh. I am happy. I am happier than all 8 years combined. Its amazing what you are rewarded with when you really don't give up. Thank the Lord for healing our marriage and giving us a new start.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Do the Puyallup

So its now become a yearly tradition to go to 'The Fair'. Years ago when Josh and I were dating, he used to talk about the fair all the time. Back home we only had a small fair that didn't have too much selection. So the first year we ever went to the fair, it was a big deal. We were going as a family, something that we had dreamed of, at one time.

So this year, even with hubby out of work, we went. We had a great time. Its amazing to see hoe much my little man has changed over the years. He's big enough to ride the rides and ride them alone! Its exciting, and a little bit sad too. I was getting little butterflies watching him ride like a big boy.

Lucas just hung out in the stroller watching people. My favorite pastime. He was great. He was able to enjoy a famous scone and crusty pup corn dog. Oh, and a sno cone too. What a cutie!

I think Joshua was feeling a little out of sorts. It was warm and he wasn't the most excited that I've seen him. He just walked slow, dragged a little. After 2 hours, he was completely done and ready to crash.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Inevitable- incapable of being avoided or evaded.

Well, it happened. It was inevitable.

I got my first gray hair.

I know it sounds trivial, but its quite a big deal. I thought I'd be safe from the gray until I hit 30, seeing as I am 29. But it happened. Sunday.

I guess I've never been one for freaking out because I'm getting older. Its part of life, and its something that I've always accepted. I've got laugh lines and crows feet. They don't bother me. But this one threw me for a loop.

I wonder how long I would have gone without noticing. But thanks to my dear friend, who shall remain nameless, showed me. And laughed, no doubt. I guess she thought it was funny because she's had gray since she was 16. And my dear husband, he laughed too. He's been going gray since right after we got married.

But I guess it was inevitable. 9 years of a hard, lesson learning marriage. A 3 year old who can break the best of them. And a baby who has given us a really hard year and a half. 6 moves in 9 years. I guess it couldn't have been prevented.

So, another milestone for momma. I guess its a week I'll never forget.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Learning baby

As always, I am amazed. I got to thinking the other day how babies learn new 'tricks'. It comes natural. They just know how to put their weight on their arms. They know how to get up on all fours. They scoot, crawl, all naturally. But there is a difference with Lucas. He has to be taught these things. I'm not sure why. I guess there is a missing link somewhere that he doesn't know how to do those things. But the amazing thing is that, Lucas CAN learn. Once we teach him to do something, and he practices, he gets it.

We've been working on crawling more, and the movements for walking. We teach him these movements on the stairs. Usually he brings his knees up and stays there. We then bring his foot up maunally and then he proceeds to go to his knees again. This past week we've noticed that he almost resists us bringing foot up to stand. But after we bribed him with ice cream, he worked his way up the stairs! It was so great. And equally hilarious!

Here are a few pictures of my beautiful boys. I can't believe how grown up they are becoming. I am shocked daily at the amazing things they can BOTH do.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


I am surrounded.

By amazing things.

People, sights, sounds, smells.

I know we are all surrounded by these things. But there are days where I feel extremely blessed to be where I am in life. (Quite different from my last post)

Following my blog last week, I was encouraged by friends and family. Through that encouragement, I realized how extremely blessed I am. I have such a support system that I know I could not have handled the last year and half without each one of them!

But I am also blesses to live in the Northwest. I know, I know, you've all heard it before. Blah blah blah, Mt Rainier, blah. But its not just that mountain I am in love with. I love gloomy days (in moderation). I love the trees, the green, the sky. Its just so incredible.

Living up here on the plateau (cool, I know) I feel a bit taken out of the hustle of city life. I still live in a city, but its so peaceful and quiet up here. I love hearing nothing. I love hearing the geese honking all night. The gun shots occasionally from the no trespassing people way out back. LOL. I tell ya, I love it.

Smells, well, that one just came out. There isn't a ton of great smells in my house. I am surrounded b y 3 boys daily. So, candle, how I love the smell of good candles. Ha.

I am a blessed woman. I have the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. They are cool, fun, supportive, and almost everyone of them likes to eat. My kinda girl.