I don't talk much about my husband on blogger much. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking the most I ever say is that we've had a really hard 9 years of marriage. I say that a lot, mostly because its really true. Its been a long, very hard, 9 years.
Josh and I have been through almost everything imaginable. You name it, we've dealt with some aspect if it in our lives together. We started dating the summer I graduated from high school. Neither of us were looking for anything serious. I was having a fun summer before I went off to college and he was a young single soldier just having a good time. But when we met, there was just something different and we never looked back. We got serious fast. I knew that I truly loved him only a few weeks after we started seeing each other. I had never been in a serious relationship before, so I fell hard. He was used to the girlfriend thing, so it wasn't so new. By that next summer, he flew me to WA to meet his family. What a big step. Then that November, he proposed. It was perfect, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
May 13, 2000 we were married and a week later I turned 20 and moved to Hawaii. It happened so fast, and its hard to even remember. Over the span of 3 years living in Hawaii, we grew apart. It was a strange situation living there. He had his own life, and most of the time it felt like I had mine. We tried starting a family, but faced a huge wall of infertility. a whole year was devoted to testing and treatment.
February of 2003 we moved to Texas. We found out that I was pregnant on the way there. Once there, Josh left for training and I stayed back to settle in. While 'settling', I had a miscarriage. Alone. I knew no one and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. When Josh came home, he was told he was going to Iraq in a month. It was a really difficult month. I was dealing with emotions of losing a baby, and Josh was dealing with deploying. It was very weird. In May 03, he left. It was a strange goodbye. It wasn't very emotional. I don't think either of us had any clue of what we to expect.
Months and months went by and it was the hardest thing we've ever been through. It was devastating, lonely, sad, OK, every emotion imaginable. Josh came home February of 2004. It was amazing. It was thrilling. It was scary. When Josh got home there wasn't much help for soldiers dealing with issues. So what he did was drink his emotions away. Well, that's never a good decision. He became an alcoholic and a scary one at that. But through it all, we tried to get pregnant again. We were successful, and I became pregnant with Joshua in February of 2005. That summer was the worst summer of all. Josh crashed the car and got in trouble with the Army. It was crazy. Luckily he had one Lieutenant that really cared for him and he tried everything to help. He was able to get Josh out of the Army with an honorable discharge. We got out in November 2005, 2 weeks after Joshua was born.
We were so happy getting out of the Army. We really thought that everything was going to turn around for us. But instead they just got worse. Finally Josh got some help. He went into a couple treatment programs for PTSD and alcohol. He was doing better, but not perfect by any means.
We went on like this for a while. And even started trying to have another baby. I'm not sure why we decide to try and have babies when we are having marriage issues, but hey, that seems to be what we do. LOL.
I finally left Josh in October of 2007. I was to my end and I was done. That fall after I left, Josh finally changed. He turned over his life to God and really wanted a new life. After about 5 weeks, I decided to try one last time. I went back to WA and we started counseling. It was great. And what do you know? I got pregnant. We had never been happier and life was finally starting to go the way we had wanted.
Halfway through our pregnancy, we found out about some issues with Lucas. We never expected anything and we were so devastated. I was a wreck. Josh was unemployed and it was a really hard start to our year. But Josh showed me how he had changed. He was so loving and supportive. It was amazing. I truly fell in love with him again. And when Lucas was born, another side to Josh emerged.
The reason I write this is to explain why I always say we've had a long hard 9 years. Because its true. There are so many reasons for me not to be with my husband. But there are so many more reasons why I should.
Josh is a kind man. He can be gentle and loving. He is strong and brave. Courageous and tough. He is a lover and a fighter. He is forgiving. He is sweet. He loves me. He loves our boys. He is supportive in anything I do. And boy is he is handsome.
Even through all of this, I love Josh. I am happy. I am happier than all 8 years combined. Its amazing what you are rewarded with when you really don't give up. Thank the Lord for healing our marriage and giving us a new start.