Saturday, December 25, 2010

An Amazing New Year

It is completely strange to think about how different life is this year, compared to last year. There are still a lot of similarities though, too. How could there not be? I am still me, and I still have children. But there are so many other things that have changed about our life.

This year, we said a lot of goodbyes. We said goodbye to bad things. We said goodbye to wonderful things. To possessions, family, attitudes, regrets, unhappiness, negativity, friends, comforts, and sadness. But we also greeted many things too. Independence, love, generosity, kindness, happiness, simplicity, and a new future.

This year has been, by far the most drastic of years. And let me tell you, I've had my fair share of drama. But, I can honestly say, I know that I made the best decision possible for my boys and I. There is not one doubt. And I love that. People may have questioned choices that I made, questioned who I was or what I was doing. But I know that I stayed true to myself, and mature through it all. I am proud of the way that I handled things, and I am thankful that my children will be proud one day too. It wasn't easy leaving. It wasn't easy at all. I just hope that they will understand someday, that I did it for them. I did it for myself. I did it for our future as a family.

When I look back on this year, it will be a milestone. It will mark 12 years I gave a man my whole heart. It will mark 10 years that I gave my marriage everything. It will mark the year that I finally stood up for myself and realized that I deserved more as a woman, wife, and mother. It will mark our move across the country and the sacrifice my parents made for us. It will mark who my true friends are, the ones who stood by my side through it all. It will mark the year that I made a change in myself and got healthy. 2010 will mark the beginning of the rest of our lives.

I am a proud woman. I am proud mother. I am excited about what is next for us. I am excited to watch my children grow and learn. I can not wait to see what 2011 holds for them. I love them with every bone in my body, and every part of my heart. And I am so thankful that I have them by my side everyday.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sometimes I can take my own advice

I love reading through my blog. I actually enjoy my own writing, and reminiscing about my life. But sometimes, I love the wisdom that I have- that somehow gets lost or forgotten.

*life is different now, titles have changed. But the idea is still the same I suppose
--copied from a previous post

Lately I've been feeling out of sorts. I've been feeling not myself. Stressed, worried, tired- ok exhausted, scared. Those of which aren't really me. Yes, I stress. Yes I worry. Yes, I'm tired. But lately, its been to the extreme. I think that the last year is finally catching up to me. Life has taken its toll and I'm kinda freaking out. The 'week of tears' kind of put me in a rut and I haven't been able to get out of it. We are in the process of planning a weekend getaway which is well well over due and sooooooooooooo needed. Can you tell I really need a break? :o)

I've been worried about myself, a good sign I guess in the scheme of things. If I didn't care about my well being then you should probably worry. I've been not wanting to be a mom, homemaker (which is legally my job title) and wife. Its all been no fun and I want a change of pace. No fun you ask? Well, let me elaborate. I've been dealing with a 3 year old potty trained, jealous, not getting enough time with mom, high spirited, full of energy, acting out little boy. He does weird, very weird things to get my attention. Like peeing on his toys. Pooping on the floor. Stuff like that. Oh yes, that is the no fun I am talking about. I am hoping that this is a phase or way of getting mom's attention, because if this is the ride called life- I WANT OFF! I love that boys and daily he makes me smile. But lately, oohhhh, I just don't know what to do. And more of the no fun.... a fussy, skinny, not getting enough time with mom, needs a lot of attention, 8 month old baby. Oh its just a joy.

And let me just add a little bit of more 'no fun' stuff. Cleaning, cooking, budgeting, laundering, cleaning up of pee on toys, poop off floors, and baking (ok that one if fun).
I am not complaining. I actually have a point to this WHOLE blog. As it is a way for me to vent to the hundreds of people reading (ok 30, LOL), it is also to share this little tid bit.

As I drove down the highway today in a bit of a funk, I saw something neat on the side of the road. There was a little bunch of flowers blooming. It was surrounded by weeds, trash and other not so great stuff found in ditches. But through all of the junk, the flowers bloomed. As I looked at those flowers (while driving 60mph down the highway) I realized that I needed to be like those flowers. Surrounded by junk, i.e. cleaning-stressing-kids, I needed to bloom and grow. That even in this crazy stressful time in my life, there is more important things to focus on. Growing as a person. As a christian, a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, and a daughter. I hope that in some part of my life that while I am blooming and growing that I can bring laughter, love and brighten someone's day, just like that flower patch did for me today.

Workin' Girl and Weekend Getaways

So, as the title implies, I have a job.

I like my job. And I love that I do.

I am a cashier at a grocery store. Its not glamorous, by any means, but its fun and stress free. I think that I could use that in my life right about now, don't you think?

So I was offered a job through one of my brothers good friends. She heard about my 'situation' and told me that if I needed anything, there was a job waiting for me when I came to town. I wasn't necessarily looking to work, but the idea of getting out and meeting some new people sounded great. So I did. Basically she asked me when I wanted to work, and how much and BAM, that's what I do. Its 3 days a week and well under 20 hours. LOL. Its pretty simple, and I think that is why I like working.

I have met some awesome people. Everyone has been so great and friendly. I really have a lot of fun there. Most of the girls I am with there are pretty young, which has been kinda fun. I get to be the old lady, but at the same time act goofy too. I can do that quite well, no matter what crown I am around though.

I am also planning a little weekend getaway. As you know, I left my very best friend in Seattle when I moved away. Its been so hard adjusting to life without her and well, super, super sad. So dreaming, we talked about a weekend trip and looky what happened.... I booked a flight.
In my divorce, my ex is supposed to have the kids over Christmas, but this year it didn't work out. Mostly because of finances and time frames. So, instead of just taking off alone to see my friend, I decided to offer him to buy a ticket for Joshua. I chose not to take Lucas for a few reasons. For one, flying with 2 kids isn't the most exciting thing to do for a 4 day trip. And for two, Lucas wouldn't care either way. LOL Joshua on the other hand needs to see his dad and grandparents and I knew it would be good for him. As much as I would have rather just gone alone, I knew this was best.
So in 39 days (as Jen pointed out today) We'll be taking a late flight to Seattle and spending a super exciting 3 days there! I for one, am thrilled. Joshua isn't thrilled because I haven't told him yet. Ha. I am waiting until after Christmas to tell him about the trip.

So there is my little update for those who read this. <3