Monday, July 8, 2013

A Different Life

In this crazy life that I lead, I am usually swamped. During my semesters at school, I try to juggle being a mom to two very unique children, I try to tread water and survive nursing school, and I try to pay my bills. Its hard to find time to have a social life, spend time with friends, and keep friendships that I treasure that are across the country.  Somehow, I manage it and I have been, semi-successful.

But for a brief period in my year, I am given a little glance at something different. Its a time where I get to be someone else other than 'mom'. My children go and visit their father and grandparents in Washington state and I am here, with no school and no major responsibilities. So for the past 2 weeks, I have been a nomad, a wanderer, a single mom with no one to mother. It is liberating. It is freeing. It is empty.

I treasure this time away because it gives me a chance to relax and focus on myself. But at the same time, its extremely difficult. I do not have a great relationship with that family which is challenging. My ex-husband doesn't participate with his children throughout the year, so it s heartbreaking to send my kids to him, especially Lucas. They don't know him, he doesn't know them. Which makes Joshua's job as big brother, even more work. (Which just deepens my faith that he will become a phenomenal man someday!) So while I try and relax and live a carefree life, I worry about them, miss them like crazy, and can't wait for them to get back to NY.

So what I have been doing for the last almost 3 weeks, you ask? Well, to be honest..... I've slept. A LOT. I had great plans of doing lots of running and laying in the sun. But neither of those things even happened. I have spent time with friends, made new friendships, met old friends, learned to love wine, got a new tattoo, house/dog sat, traveled around the area and slept. A lot. Its been refreshing and relaxing and a lot of fun. I have been able to remember what life was like before I had children. Its been nice actually, but boring. Those boys are sooooo much work. Its unbelievable how much work. But Oh My God, I love them. They make my heart flutter, and beat to a rhythm I had never felt before. Loving another human without any selfish reason is incredible and what makes us, humans!

So, I have thoroughly enjoyed my single life for the last couple weeks, but its time for them to come home. I am a girl who longs for schedules and routines and plans, and I am ready to get back on track. I am ready to hug my babies and have them home safe with me. I am ready for chaos and yelling and messes and cooking and bedtimes and car seats and laundry. UGH laundry. Gross.