Moving on up...well, ok technically its down

We did it! We made it out of the NICU! And as Heather wrote in my comments, its much quieter in the NICU. I was so excited to hear that Lucas had made it out. I was at home with Joshua and couldn't wait to come up and see him whenever. But it wasn't as pleasant as I had hoped. As many of you know, I am a control freak and I like to plan and be as organized as possible. When I got to the floor, it was all new to me and a tad scary. When I walked into Lucas' room, his roomy was just wailing non stop. everything was out of order and confusing. I just broke down. Going from a private room for Josh and I and Lucas having a quiet private room to this craziness, was just too much. And to add to the mayhem, there was no place to cry in peace either.

After about an hour, I was fine and back to normal. I guess I knew that would happen. I organized the room, learned where everything was and settled in. Lucas is just an angle....all the time. I told you he would be mellow. He just sleeps all the time and when he does cry, its the most pathetic, sweet baby cry. (Not like his roomy. Honestly, he sounds like a dying cat!)

I also got to dress him again last night. I brought some more clothes from home. I got a little tiny outfit at Lucas' shower. It was a preemie size and it looked like it could fit a doll. We never thought that it would fit him. Well, it does. its the perfect fit. I don't know where the kid puts his weight. He is 6 1/2 pounds of nothing.

Anyway, the good news is that he is on his way out this joint. :) As long as he continues to feed well through his g-tube and we can start oral feeds, and nothing else jumps out then we can make our way home!! To think that we might all be a family soon is just awesome! Its going to be so hard and so great all at the same time!

Ahh, FOOD!

Just a quick little update for today. Lucas is doing great!! He was on oxygen all last night, but they were slowly turning the levels down. This morning he was just getting room air through his cannula. When I left for my Dr's appointment this afternoon, the nurse had taken the whole thing off! When we came back from my appointment, he had started getting breast milk into his g-tube and was doing well. We even did some binkie training. Its a pacifier with a tiny catheter inside the nipple and we inject a little bit of milk through it as he sucks. well he loved it and he did great. He sure proved that he was our son. What Wakefield doesn't turn away food?!

I am feeling optimistic today. Its been great and I know that it will get better. I like days like this. My appointment went well. My blood pressure is still a bit high so I still need to be taking my meds. But everything else looks good. We also got to stop in and see our favorite nurse. It was awesome to see her. We gave her a gift that we had bought and chatted. She was such a blessing to us, and well, we all love her.

So here are a few pics that we took. And yes, he is wearing clothes!! :) Its a newborn onesie that fits perfect in length. The width is a whole other story. Not sure how we'll find clothes for him. Long and lean!!

Backwards and Forwards

I swear I come on here and update and the next day it changes back. And then I come back and the same thing happens. So I pray that it doesn't go back and change again after I write this.

So they took Lucas off the ventilator today. We had come back up to the hospital after spending some time at home with Joshua and when we got here he was breathing all on his own! Its so wonderful to see his little face without it being squished up into what the nurse calls it, the fish face. He is such a sweet boy. He looks so much better than yesterday and the nurses keep coming back in to look at him and they just can't stop commenting on how much better he looks. Its great.

So he is doing well. Everything from the surgery seems to be doing good. They might even start feeds tomorrow! I am so excited. I'm not sure if we'll start back up on the binkie training, but any way he gets food, I'm happy with. There is also talk of him getting out of ICU, but we've heard that before. I'll believe that when I see it.

Grandma Alice came up tonight after work and she got to hold Lucas for the first time. It was nice and we just sat and talked together. Quite relaxing. Lucas seemed to enjoy it too!

Hopefully I can come back with even better news tomorrow, so keep we'll just keep on praying.

Just a quick update and then I am off again. We didn't have any Wi-Fi yesterday here, so I couldn't update. Lucas did great with his surgery. They finally took him in at 1am Sunday morning. He was out of surgery in about an hour and a half. They had him on the ventilator and kept him on it all day to be sure that he wasn't working too hard and they wanted him as comfortable as possible. He has been on morphine and he is doing good. The plan was to take him off the ventilator today but that still hasn't happened. Hopefully soon.

We also met with the genetic counselor and genetesis today. It was ok, I guess. We had hoped for more information on what his chromosomes mean, but there is really no way to predict anything. The most likely thing that could happen is learning disabilities. But to what extent is still a mystery. They were helpful in finding us information on groups and classes that we should get involved in right away. School for babies, as she put it. And she also referred us to a genetic counselor in Tacoma. They ordered some more testing to be done too.

Its kind of hard to think that my baby might not be 'normal'. All you want is this perfectly healthy child and for them to grow up normal and live a full life. I find myself going back and forth between 2 ways of thinking. One that he can live a full life no matter what his learning capabilities. And the other, where I find myself thinking that he might not be able to do so many things and that its just not fair. Its a confusing situation to be in and I know that it will all be ok no matter what the outcome.

I guess what I am praying for is that all of Lucas' problems will be his physical issues and that it will be taken care of by the time we come home. I know that God made my son just the way he is supposed to be and I will always love him no matter what. I just pray that he will grow up and live a full life and be happy.

Please, please continue to pray for Lucas. I don't think that I have ever believed in prayer as much as much as I do right now in my life. I know that it has worked for us in the past, but God has made a miracle in the child, and I know that without a shadow of a doubt. Thank you for all of your support!!

****And thanks for all the comments too! ;)

One step forward, two steps back.

Well, as the title says, we had a little less progress today. After starting feedings with just a taste, we put it into a pacifier and he got some milk. He did great and we got a plan together for the weekend to start doing it twice a day. Then we would move on to trying a bottle. Lucas had another upper GI later that day to look at his bowels and intestine just to make sure they were in working order and nothing was twisted or obstructed. Well, they were. His intestines were twisted and so they needed to do a surgery to correct it. They also plan o taking his appendix out because it would have to be in a different spot than normal, and it would be hard to ever know if something were wrong. So they stopped his breast milk and his IV nutrition. The surgery was scheduled at 1pm, but then it was postponed until 6pm. And low and behold I just got a call saying it was postponed again until 12am. They have had emergency surgeries all day basically and Lucas isn't sick enough to be at the top. So there is good in it, I guess.

I dropped my mom off at the airport this morning. It was quick enough to not get emotional, but I think that I did so much weeping last week that I am weeped out! She has been such a great help to me and my family these last 2 weeks and I could not have gone through this without her.

Here are a couple pictures from yesterday when my mom got to hold Lucas. And then a picture of him getting some breast milk! And then a picture of Josh holding Lucas for the 2nd time. He is a little scared of the baby and so I made him hold him.

The scrapbook page was made by one of the nurses. Its just too cute!

We've made some progress! Progress is good, just in case you didn't know. ;) Yesterday they restarted feeding through Lucas' g-tube and things started going well. After not digesting any of the milk, they stopped and then increased the amount. That stimulated his stomach and organs and things actually started working. Today he was up to full feeds at 15cc's per hour. He was doing well and so they sent over a therapist to help start with oral feedings. We did one so far today with about 1cc through a pacifier with a little catheter through the nipple. He did really well with it, but his respiratory rate was a bit high as well as his heart rate. But for his first oral feeding he did great. So she'll be back again at 3 for another one and we'll get a plan for the weekend with feedings.
The doctor also came in to talk with me this morning. We were given the option of leaving here and going to a local hospital at home. But I told him that I wanted the best care, so either place was fine if he agreed. He felt that if something was to happen that they might not be equip to handle it and he may be sent back here. So staying here is the plan for a little while longer. We also discussed the genetic tests that were done. He said he couldn't tell me the meaning, but there was a missing chromosome and a double chromosome. Hopefully the genetesis can research it and tell us more. And lastly they plan on doing another upper GI to see if his bowels were working correctly. That is happening at 330 today.
So overall today has been pretty good and I really look forward to the feedings. I am so excited that he is tolerating them so well and I just really can't wait to nurse! :) who wishes for that?!

Oh, he was weaned off of any air last night too! so the cords are gone from his face. And he is getting rid of that retched IV today too! YEA!! less tangles when I hold my baby!

Last night we went home for the evening to hang out with the fam. We had pizza and played some games. Joshua was too cute, so here are a few pictures of my big boy!!

Well, here is my perfect little baby! He is so stinkin cute with that tube out of his face. I love his little mouth and dimple chin, just like daddy and brother. Today went well. He has done really good with being extubated. He is on oxygen, but they will be weaning him off of that tonight slowly. They also tried feeding him through his tube today too, but that didn't go as well as they had hoped. They started him out at 3cc's an hour, but after a couple of hours, most of that was still in his stomach. So they are just trying 1cc an hour to see if he can digest that. Hopefully trying a smaller amount will allow his stomach to learn how to eat and he can get larger amounts over time. But over all today, he has done great and mommy and daddy could not be happier!

Today really felt like the first day of motherhood with Lucas. I was so giddy to hold him and stare at him and really feel like him mom. I am so thrilled and blessed to have this little miracle boy in my arms and I can't wait for the future!

We stayed home last night to spend some time with Joshua and it was just great for everyone. I got some mommy time, Josh got some daddy time, and grandma Kris got a little well needed break! :) Mom has just been so wonderful these last couple of weeks. I don't think that I could have gotten through all of this without her. She helped me emotional, physically and took care of my little man, Joshua. I am so thankful for her help!

So I'll hopefully have even more great news tomorrow. But thanks for all the continued prayers!!

WOW!!!

Well, i wasn't going to post until the morning, but I am just so thrilled. Josh and I came home for the night to spend some time with family and see Joshua. He has been a little confused lately with mom and dad being gone so much. He is too cute, running and hugging us. 'MOMMY!!' So sweet. So we've had a nice evening with him and getting away is kind of nice too.
Sadly today Lucas had a big day and we missed it. He had a MRI and the plan was to extubate him and to feed. The nurse told me that she would call so that I had an idea of when things were to happen. Around 4pm they went for the MRI and I got a call from another nurse at 5 telling me they were back. Just around 9pm the phone rang again. I wasn't too scared because if it were an emergency, they would use the pager that they gave us. The Dr on call tonight was calling me to tell me that they took Lucas off the ventilator!!! He was doing great and breathing well on his own!! I was so thrilled and so sad not to be there. I started crying and thanked her for calling. What an amazing moment! She also said that they were going to try feeding him a bit later too. It will be breast milk and it will be through his G tube in his stomach. What a day!
So tomorrow there will be a lot of pictures, you can count on that!! I can't wait to get back there and hold him whenever I want!!! It was so good for us to leave, and now I can't wait to get back there!!!!

Come back for pics!

just a few sweet pictures!!

I obviously have some time tonight to write. Its actually kind of nice. I am able to sit up and type! I just got back from seeing the little man. He had his transfusion and is doing good. They are concerned about the size of the esophagus, and they took some x-rays earlier to see what is happening. I just had a blast being able to hang out with Lucas and take some more pictures that I would love to share.

one more thing...

I forgot to add that Lucas is getting a blood transfusion today too. so please pray that it goes smoothly. And I wanted to add a couple pictures.

One week old....

Well, here we are. We've made it to our one week mark. Lucas is doing pretty good so far. He is strong, he is beautiful and he is loved.
Yesterday I was discharged from the hospital, finally. After having a spinal headache that just wouldn't go away, I was diagnosed with post pardom pre-eclampsia. Go figure. I have been really healthy this whole pregnancy, and afterwards I get sick. My pressure went down after a night of magnesium and blood pressure meds. The doctor knew how badly I wanted out of there, so she let me go. I am feeling pretty good besides being weak. After a full week of being in bed and not walking, its taking some time to get used to it again.
Yesterday morning Lucas had surgery. It was to repair the hole in his diaphragm and to prevent the hernia from coming back. They put him on the ventilator to keep him from exerting himself and he is still on it today. The surgery went well and they were able to get the stomach where it should be and also put in a feeding tube in. Today they are planning on giving him a blood transfusion, since the surgery left him a little anemic. His esophagus is also a little big after surgery, so they are keeping an eye on that too.
I am hoping that I will be able to hold him soon. I haven't since Wednesday afternoon and its just killing me. Its a strange feeling. Being pregnant for months and then giving birth and not holding your child. Its almost like he's not mine. Its really confusing. But when I see him, it all changes. I think that last night was really good and really bad. I went home because I needed to see Joshua and to just get things together. It was great to spend some time with Joshua and be in my own bed. But it was so hard to come home without Lucas. To see his crib empty was just terrible. Knowing that he was so far away and I was at home relaxing was just... the pits, I guess. Getting here today was hard too. Not knowing what lies ahead is so hard, especially for me. If you know me, you know that I am a planner and an organizer, and this has been a real curve ball. But once I got here, I relaxed a bit and I am trying to settle in.
I am hoping that writing this helps me deal with things a bit. I know that people go through this every day. People deal with things so much worse. But with all the emotions that my body is dealing with and just adjusting, I am quite a wreck. I hope that those of you who are reading this pray for us. Please pray that Lucas heals, I heal and we all are together soon.
I will keep updating here and writing out my feelings. Feel free to email me or comment. I really appreciate it. And if you want to come and see the little guy, we should be able to figure it out!

thursday august 14th 2008

So here is my little update for the day. Not too much new has happened. Yesterday, the transport team from Children's Hosiptal in Seattle came and took Lucas. He needs a procedure done that will fix his diaphram and stomach so that he can finally eat. They are still figuring out which way would be best, but he is now in the best care. Josh went with him yesterday and has been there since. They have a room for us to stay in while Lucas is in their care.

As for me, I had planned on getting discharged today, but my blood pressure is running high and I am still having those dredded headaches. I am getting up to use the bathrooom, but that is about it. I did shower though, YEA!!! My doctor is back from her European vacation and came in today. She is concerned about how i am feeling, so we'll see howit goes this afternoon. I can't really walk much, but all I want to do is see my children. I am missing Joshua so badly and I just want to hold my new baby and never let him go. I know that people deal with worse situations and I am trying to remember that. He is breathing, I am breathing and we'll be together soon. But it is so hard to know that he is so far away without his momma.


As far as diagnosis goes, we are still waiting. The dr's and genetesis' are talking and comparing notes, trying to figure everything out. We do know that the hernia is a hiatal hernia and not the dyphragmatic that they thought. His heart and lungs are still stable too. We are still in need of constant prayers. This has been so hard, and will be for some time. We are happy to live in a place where he can have the best facilities, Dr's and nurses.





I am without a cell phone too. Josh has mine if you need to contact us. Thanks!

our new little man

well, he finally made it. as many of you know it was an extremely hard day. after a scheduled induction monday, i was admitted friday afternoon due to low fluid. after many ups and downs and twists and turns on saturday, we had a c-section at 930pm. Lucas was born at 9:47pm on august 9th 2008. the NICU team took him right away and intibated him, but soon after he was taken off. he was stable and doing a lot better than expected.

today is day 3 for the little man. he has had the echo cardiogram, a CT scan, x-ray, and a bunch of iv's and a central line. he is still doing great and we are just piecing the puzzle together. so far, he has exceeded a lot of expectations and we are so thrilled. the dr's are still concerned about possible chromosome issues and they are talking with a gentesis at Children's in seattle. there are a few abnormalities with physical features and well as the internal problems he has been dealing with. so putting all of those together, we are hoping for an answer.

its been a very emotionl few days. i didnt see Lucas until sunday afternoon and i didnt hold him until almost midnight on sunday. but holding him finally, was so amazing. but abotu 12 hours after my c-section, i started developing headaches. they are called spinal headaches because after the spinal, a little leak was left, causing spinal fluid to leak out. when that happens the brain is being pulled downward. so the only relief is lying completely flat so that the fluid can't leak out. this isnt the easiest thing to do for days and days. the treatment is called a blood patch. they take blood from your arm and put it over the hole in your spinal sack. unfortunately for me, i'm in the 5% that it doesnt affect. hopefully we'll figure something out soon, so i can walk, pee, and go and see lucas when i want.

josh has been a great husband through all of this. he is so in love with lucas already too. i think more than even me!!! he has been a wonderful support to me through everything. joshua came and saw his little brother on sunday. he couldnt touch him, but he waved and said hi and he thought it was pretty cool. even though the play area was way more exciting!

so please keep us in your prayers. pray that Lucas will be healed. and well, me too! :) no matter what the outcome, this little man was meant to be here, struggles and all! he is a blessing and he will always be loved, no matter what. thank you for all the support, thoughts and well wishes.

a pregnancy wrap-up

Our first picture Before draining.....
After draining
Our little guy

Here is my first blog post. I am excited to get something started to document the beginning of our new family. We are happy to welcome our 2nd boy, Lucas, into our family next monday, 8/11/08. We have had a difficult road these last few months. And we are happy to finally have Lucas in our arms and know that he is safe and healthy.

When we had our 20 weeks scan, we expected to find out the gender and we'd be on our way. But that is not what happened. The sonographer found a large ammount of fluid in the babys chest, a small cerebelum, and a thick nucal fold. She made it sound pretty grim. So the next day we went and saw a perinatologist who made us feel a lot worse. He basically told us that our baby probably wouldn't make it, and if he did he would probably die soon after birth. But after he did his ultrasound, things seemed to look better. All of the markers for certain genetic abnormalities seemed to not be there. We did an amnio and all came back normal. So a couple weeks later we went and saw some specialist where they did something amazing. They went into my belly and drained the fluid from Lucas's chest. It was incredible. It was basically an amnio, but once in my uterus, they went into Lucas's chest under his left arm and drained the fluid from the left side. Right when they stabbed him, he kicked and I could feel him react to the pain.

We thought that we would becoming back to either put a shunt in so that the fluid could drain or that we would be coming back every week or so to drain. But when we came back the first week, there was no need to drain. And when we came back the second week, we still didnt need to drain! We were thrilled. So we were being watched every week to make sure the fluid didnt come back and it still hasn't come back. Here we are at 39 weeks and the left side is absolutly perfect. The right side still has some fluid, but compared to what it looked like in the beginning, its just a miracle.

Every test that has been taken has all come back normal from the beginning. The genetic stuff, the fluid that was taken came back negetive for any virus or anything. There is no real explanation for the problems, but we just feel that its all because Lucas is special, a fighter and just meant to be a blessing.

So monday the 11th, we are headed in to meet this little guy. We dont know what to expect fully about what might happen. Depending on the fluid situation, he'll probably be in the NICU for a while. But we are optimistic that the fluid will reabsorb into his body and there will be no need for chest tubes and he'll be home with us in a few days.

So far this pregnancy has been interesting. Scary, emotional, sad, exciting, connecting, thrilling, unbelievable and just plan amazing. God has proven himself to us in so many ways. I have dealt with so many things, but i've always trusted that my boy will be fine. I have been pretty comfortable considering. I have gained about 25 pounds and i've not had to deal with much physically. He is still pretty small, but he's about 6 pounds right now. So that explains me being comfortable. I am just now getting to the point of wanting to be done with this whole thing. I am ready to meet Lucas, lose this belly and have our family together. But at the same point I am a little freaked. What am I getting myself in to? With Joshua running around and a newborn....Lord help me!! :)

My mom is arriving on Friday the 8th and we'll have a little fun time before the baby gets here. Probably a little shopping, cooking, relaxing. It'll be great. I have missed her so much.

So, we'll be updating here with all the news!! Keep us in your prayers.