2009 Reflection

With New Years, there is a chance for a new beginning. I usually have a resolution that I try not to put much faith in. They usually fail, especially for me. Typically, it weight loss. And typically, I fail. Again, I want to be skinny come 2010, but I guess I should really just want to be healthy for my family. Because really, will I ever be skinny? (Not likely)

With new beginnings, there is a chance to go look back over your year and remember. We've had our share of hard times. Lucas being in the hospital; Josh being laid off; our fair share of sickness. But there was also so many great things about 2009.

We bought our first house!
My big brother got married!
Being healthy more than sick!
My Joshua turned 4!
My Lucas made it to his 1st birthday!
My husband turned 30!
I turned 29 (YIKES)!
We had so many blessings!

Its been a great year. I am SOO looking forward to 2010. We already have a lot planned. Josh and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary. Its amazing to think that we actually made it to 10! We're going to Mexico to celebrate- without children
My parents are planning a visit and I can't wait to show them our new house!
I will be celebrating my 30th birthday and I am really excited. I am hoping to have a girls weekend in Seattle. Yay!
I am hoping that my brother and sister in law will be visiting also. And maybe bring some exciting news that they'll be having a baby! (I CAN NOT WAIT to be a an auntie!!!)

I can't wait to see my children grow. Its sad that they grow, but more exciting to see them change.

I had a quote from 2008 that I thought was perfect for that year. But as the years keep coming I realize its a great quote for our entire life.

I never thought I would cry so much, love so hard and be so blessed.

Thank you for reading my blog and following our life.
I hope you too have an amazing 2010!

Today I Bawled

As I played with Lucas tonight, I just started bawling. He was laughing. I was smelling his perfect baby smell. I looked at his beautiful face and started crying, hard. I was hit hard with a feeling from way, way back. When I was first faced with the difficult pregnancy and when Lucas was first born I wasn't filled with love for him. It came after about a week when we were really together. Then I really fell in love. But tonight, I was just in shock that I could have ever doubted my love for him. I can not imagine him any other way. I can not imagine my life any differently. I love him and accept him fully, just the way that my God made him. He is perfect. He is beautiful. I am so in love with that little man, I can not contain myself. I am so thankful for his sweet nature, peaceful spirit and loving face. The way that he looks at you and lights up. The way he suffers from pain or problems, and after, he loves you like no other. I am so blessed, beyond measure with him. I am so thankful God gave him to us. I am so happy to be his mommy. I love my Lukey.

Four!!

Well I can't believe it, but my little baby just turned 4! Where did the time go?

Thinking back, Josh and I tried to get pregnant for quite some time. After losing one baby, a deployment to Iraq, Joshua was here. After a great pregnancy, and a lot of cheeseburgers, Joshua arrived. He was 9 days overdue. I was induced and after 5 hours and 19 minutes of labor, and no epidural, Joshua Paul was born. At 2:24am, weighing 8lbs and 7oz. He was such a beautiful baby and even his daddy thought so. (He thinks every baby looks like an alien.) He was a great eater, a great sleeper and a little angel.

Joshua started walking at 10 months, running at 11 months, and he's been unstoppable ever since. He started signing and knew almost 80 signs when he was 18 months old. He can count to 20, knows his ABC's and can still sign most of them. I am so proud.

Joshua brings light to my life everyday. We have our ups and downs, but he is so full of love. I laugh so hard with some of the things he comes up with. I can't wait to see him grow and change. I know that he can accomplish so much with his life. There are so many possibilities. Its amazing to be a mother. Its such an amazing experience that I will treasure my entire life.

Memories Made

I just wanted to write this down in case I forgot it.

I just sat on my couch with Joshua and Lucas for 15 minutes and just laughed. I think its the funniest few minutes of my life.

I was moving Lucas mouth really fast as he made noise. It was coming out bababababa, babble that we are attempting in speech therapy. But as I moved his mouth, he would start belly laughing. Then mommy would start laughing. Then Joshua. All the while, Lucas still attempting to make the sound. He kept wanting me to do it, so I did.

What a perfect moment in my life.

It makes the hard days disappear, even for a moment.

Sweet.

Pictures Pictures!!

We are getting our family pictures this weekend and I can't wait. I really love the picture we took last year. Its everywhere. I stare at it up the stairs 15 times a day. I love it. It makes me so happy looking at it. BUT, I can't wait to have a new one. I just can't wait! YAY!!!!


Can you tell that I am bit excited? A whole blog entry. Seriously?



Oh, a couple pounds down from last week. Nothing major, but I'll take it. I finally got off my booty today and worked out too. Sheesh, finally.

New digs

Lucas started physical therapy last week. So far, its going OK. I'm taking Joshua with me until we can schedule therapy during his preschool. He doesn't understand that he can't go and play. I try to explain to him that the kids there need special care. They need to learn to walk and move right. But he just thinks that he is left out. Poor kid. It just has to be so hard being the brother of a special needs kid.

Talking with the therapist, we discussed bath time. Lucas has a bath seat that works OK, but I worry about his g-tube catching on it. He can't splash and play very well. So they gave me a new seat to try out. Its a free loaner program. Its pretty nice. The only thing I don't like about it right now is that the kids can't bathe together. I loved that time with them both. But, maybe someday.


Check out the new seat.




Skinny boy

Halloween

Well, we had a pretty good Halloween last weekend. We went to the church that Joshua has preschool. They had a little harvest festival. There were just enough kids there to make it fun, and not too many to make mommy crazy. Here are a few pictures of our night.

I wasn't in the picture taking kind of mood, so this is the best they get.

I can't seem to upload them to my Facebook page, so here they are.

Its Time

So, its time. I really think its time. The holidays are coming and well, I'm chubby. Too chubby for my pants anymore. With Thanksgiving and Christmas right around the corner, I really gotta do something, or my pants will never fit again!

I am not sure what I am going to do. I basically have tried everything and the only thing that ever worked was nursing my kid! LOL. Well, since thats out of the question. Weight Watchers worked too. So, since I am a cheap skate, I am thinking of just trying to watch what I eat and exersize. The second part is the hardest. With my hubby working, 2 kids, no gym membership and a busy schedule, when do I find the time? Thats been my excuse so far, and it hasn't done me any good.

So here goes nothing. Monday morning, off my butt. And NO halloween candy!!!

The difference a year makes

Josh and I bought a new computer a few days ago. It was LONG overdue. It was missing a few keys. Important keys like, enter, the comma, and a shift button. One of the F buttons didn't work. The left hinge that held the screen in place was broken. It was sad sight for sure. So this fancy new things is pretty sweet. I will try my best to keep it away from toddlers this time.

As I added some old pictures and videos from an old memory card I came across this video. It was taken about a year ago. Its amazing to see the difference in my little man. In the video its almost like he doesn't see me at all. Which for the first 3 months, he really didn't.

So we saw the eye doctor yesterday. This is the difference a year makes:

Normal Vision 20/20

Lucas' vision:
November 2008; 20/1300
February 2009; 20/170
April 2009; 20/80
August 2009; 20/64
October 2009; 20/60

And let me just say that 20/60 is NORMAL for his age! Can you believe that? Normal. The kid they told me was blind. Seriously!!!

I am so in love with my little man. He surprises me daily. I couldn't ask for a stronger, sweeter baby.

Creativity Overload

So my darling husband bought me a sewing machine 2 Christmases ago. I only wanted it to add stitching to scrapbook pages, but he was nice enough to buy me a nice one. Well, it still has yet to be used. Whoops. A few months ago my friend Jenni and I got together to learn how to use our machines. It was more like me watching her use her machine and do a project. I threaded mine. That was it. And since then, I have forgotten how to do so. Whoops.

Well, I have been wanting to start a project for some time and lately its really getting at me. So I went to the store and got some fabric. Very cute for what I want it for. But now, I can't find the time. I really want to sit and do it for a few hours, but when on earth do I have a few hours to do anything? I want my project started so I can at least get to it occasionally.

Well, then I start searching for patterns and ideas. OMG, are there a million creative blogs with the most talented people. I feel unworthy. Uncreative. Completely out of the loop. I just don't know where to start. AACCKKK!!

So I will get to it. Soon. I will get to it. Maybe next week!

Locked up

Well, as you can see, it happened. He made it to the top. I've been putting off installing the gate but after searching for Lucas, I found him at the top. Crazy kid! He just sat there staring at the gate for a few minutes trying to figure out what happened. He wasnm't that happy about it.

Pumpkin Patch

Joshua started school last month and so far we've had 2 field trips. Last week we went to Marris Farms in Buckley and had a great time, despite the rain. It held off most of the time we were there, thankfully.

Seattle Science Center

My friend AnnMarie and her daughter Abby came to visit Thursday morning. We love it when they come to visit. No matter what we do, we always have fun. This time, we decided to take the kids to the Seattle Science Center in downtown Seattle. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait to go back and spend a bit more time there.

Joshua and Tricerotops

Shooting the cool water gun

Lucas checking himself out!

He's getting so big!

AnnMarie and Abby playing robot checkers
Me and big boy

AnnMarie playing aroundClimbing

So cool!

Trying hard!

Joshua and the space needle
You always know where you are.

therapy, therapy, therapy

Yes, I said therapy 3 times. Its for a reason. We're now going to have 3 therapies a week. Yikes! When all I really want to do it stay home, in my sweat pants and bake and craft, now I have to get up early, clean and go the therapy unit. Lovely.

I know that its not all about me. I've been learning that since I gave birth to Joshua 4 years ago. I am thrilled that Lucas is going to be getting treatment and this will help in so many ways. He is doing great and this will just help him succeed.

We have occupational therapy and vision on Monday mornings at home. Speech therapy will start Tuesday morning at home too. And we'll be scheduling physical therapy soon. I am hoping to get that one scheduled during Joshua's school time so that I don't have to find childcare for him.

Overall, this just keeps us all busy. Which I suppose is a good thing. I guess I can find the time to craft and bake on the other days. Hopefully. I love fall because it just means that I get to bake more and be crafty! Yea!

better

I'm not sure why I have never come across this passage before, but its true. Sad, but true.

I am in a bit of a funk this morning. I'm feeling a bit 'at the end of my rope' and have snapped a little this morning. I was reading a blog and really wanted to dive into a different subject, but this has distracted me. Obviously, in a good way.

The Proverbs 31 Woman :

10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

rare, precious

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

trustworthy

12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

kind Her Character as a Wife

13 She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.

works joyfully

14 She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

goes extra mile to get choicest goods

15 She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.

disciplined

16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

enterprising, prudent with money

17 She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.

energetic

18 She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.

good steward

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.

diligent, Her Devotion as a Homemaker

20 She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

compassionate, generous, Her Generosity
as a Neighbor

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

provident

22 She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

elegant

23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.

influential

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

industrious, Her Devotion as a Homemaker

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.

poised

26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

wise Her Influence as a Teacher

27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.

manages her home

28 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

praiseworthy

29 "Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."

distinguished Her Effectiveness as a Mother

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

God-fearing

31 Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

honored Her Excellence as a Person


~ Proverbs 31:10-31

This sure makes me want to be better and DO better.

Ahhh, New York

I've been visiting my parents in NY for the last 2 weeks. Its been a great trip. We've kept really busy with family and friends, but I think that we are all ready to head back to the west coast. I do wish I could stay another week, but my house is calling. I've been really wanting to decorate and get ready for fall. I am also missing my normal stuff. Talking on the phone, visiting my besties. Its time, I think. But we are sure going to miss my fam. My parents have been so great, as usual. They are amazing grandparents. My mom has a bond with Lucas, like no other. Its so sweet. And Joshua just adores my dad. But who doesn't? And let me tell you about my kids uncles. Well, they are spectaular uncles. I wish so badly that they could spend more time together. I think that I will try to start coming back more. I really want them to have a relationship over the next few years when its so important.
I've really enojoyed seeing my friends. Its been shorter than normal, but still the same ole prefectness. I <3 you guys.

I am not really ready to fly back. Flying here was a fiasco and I got stuck in ATL with 2 kids. Not cool. But the way back should be smoother. Hopefully. It'll be a long night. By the time we get to Seattle, it'll be 1130pm PST. So our bodies will think its 230am. That is not going to be a fun evening. But my kids are so resilitant. They'll be great! *wink

OK, I've rambled. Here are some pictures from the trip.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My 100th Blog!

To commemorate my 100th post, I thought I'd put together a little video of my amazing little boy. This blog was to mostly talk about him and our lives with him. So I thought this was a good way to celebrate.

Thank you for reading and posting comments. This blog has been a great way for me to share my feelings and emotions and its been so therapeutic. Enjoy.

One more thing about this song that I choose. When I was 20 weeks and we heard the news about Lucas, we went to church that Sunday. We laid our hearts out to God and begged and pleaded that He heal our baby. We were told that he wouldn't survive the pregnancy and if he did, he would suffer a terrible life. While at church, sobbing, we were taught this song. If you really listen to the words, its amazing. Every time I hear it I am filled with emotion from that day and that pregnancy. It was the most encouraging song that I've ever heard. God sure knows what He's doing.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

History of the hubbs

I don't talk much about my husband on blogger much. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking the most I ever say is that we've had a really hard 9 years of marriage. I say that a lot, mostly because its really true. Its been a long, very hard, 9 years.

Josh and I have been through almost everything imaginable. You name it, we've dealt with some aspect if it in our lives together. We started dating the summer I graduated from high school. Neither of us were looking for anything serious. I was having a fun summer before I went off to college and he was a young single soldier just having a good time. But when we met, there was just something different and we never looked back. We got serious fast. I knew that I truly loved him only a few weeks after we started seeing each other. I had never been in a serious relationship before, so I fell hard. He was used to the girlfriend thing, so it wasn't so new. By that next summer, he flew me to WA to meet his family. What a big step. Then that November, he proposed. It was perfect, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

May 13, 2000 we were married and a week later I turned 20 and moved to Hawaii. It happened so fast, and its hard to even remember. Over the span of 3 years living in Hawaii, we grew apart. It was a strange situation living there. He had his own life, and most of the time it felt like I had mine. We tried starting a family, but faced a huge wall of infertility. a whole year was devoted to testing and treatment.

February of 2003 we moved to Texas. We found out that I was pregnant on the way there. Once there, Josh left for training and I stayed back to settle in. While 'settling', I had a miscarriage. Alone. I knew no one and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. When Josh came home, he was told he was going to Iraq in a month. It was a really difficult month. I was dealing with emotions of losing a baby, and Josh was dealing with deploying. It was very weird. In May 03, he left. It was a strange goodbye. It wasn't very emotional. I don't think either of us had any clue of what we to expect.

Months and months went by and it was the hardest thing we've ever been through. It was devastating, lonely, sad, OK, every emotion imaginable. Josh came home February of 2004. It was amazing. It was thrilling. It was scary. When Josh got home there wasn't much help for soldiers dealing with issues. So what he did was drink his emotions away. Well, that's never a good decision. He became an alcoholic and a scary one at that. But through it all, we tried to get pregnant again. We were successful, and I became pregnant with Joshua in February of 2005. That summer was the worst summer of all. Josh crashed the car and got in trouble with the Army. It was crazy. Luckily he had one Lieutenant that really cared for him and he tried everything to help. He was able to get Josh out of the Army with an honorable discharge. We got out in November 2005, 2 weeks after Joshua was born.

We were so happy getting out of the Army. We really thought that everything was going to turn around for us. But instead they just got worse. Finally Josh got some help. He went into a couple treatment programs for PTSD and alcohol. He was doing better, but not perfect by any means.

We went on like this for a while. And even started trying to have another baby. I'm not sure why we decide to try and have babies when we are having marriage issues, but hey, that seems to be what we do. LOL.

I finally left Josh in October of 2007. I was to my end and I was done. That fall after I left, Josh finally changed. He turned over his life to God and really wanted a new life. After about 5 weeks, I decided to try one last time. I went back to WA and we started counseling. It was great. And what do you know? I got pregnant. We had never been happier and life was finally starting to go the way we had wanted.

Halfway through our pregnancy, we found out about some issues with Lucas. We never expected anything and we were so devastated. I was a wreck. Josh was unemployed and it was a really hard start to our year. But Josh showed me how he had changed. He was so loving and supportive. It was amazing. I truly fell in love with him again. And when Lucas was born, another side to Josh emerged.

The reason I write this is to explain why I always say we've had a long hard 9 years. Because its true. There are so many reasons for me not to be with my husband. But there are so many more reasons why I should.

Josh is a kind man. He can be gentle and loving. He is strong and brave. Courageous and tough. He is a lover and a fighter. He is forgiving. He is sweet. He loves me. He loves our boys. He is supportive in anything I do. And boy is he is handsome.

Even through all of this, I love Josh. I am happy. I am happier than all 8 years combined. Its amazing what you are rewarded with when you really don't give up. Thank the Lord for healing our marriage and giving us a new start.

Do the Puyallup

So its now become a yearly tradition to go to 'The Fair'. Years ago when Josh and I were dating, he used to talk about the fair all the time. Back home we only had a small fair that didn't have too much selection. So the first year we ever went to the fair, it was a big deal. We were going as a family, something that we had dreamed of, at one time.

So this year, even with hubby out of work, we went. We had a great time. Its amazing to see hoe much my little man has changed over the years. He's big enough to ride the rides and ride them alone! Its exciting, and a little bit sad too. I was getting little butterflies watching him ride like a big boy.

Lucas just hung out in the stroller watching people. My favorite pastime. He was great. He was able to enjoy a famous scone and crusty pup corn dog. Oh, and a sno cone too. What a cutie!

I think Joshua was feeling a little out of sorts. It was warm and he wasn't the most excited that I've seen him. He just walked slow, dragged a little. After 2 hours, he was completely done and ready to crash.