Peace and Quiet

I am sitting at home enjoying some peace and quiet and I thought that I should take advantage of this moment and reflect. So that is what I am going to do.
Let me start off by getting one thing out though. I have been feeling a bit of 'woe is me' these last few days. Not that I am having a pity party or anything, just that I feel bad for my little guy and wishing he was a little more healthy. But as I read about some friends, I realize just how lucky I am to just be dealing with these few issues. He is out of the hospital, not on any meds, breathing....living. I need to be thankful everyday just for that. I need to change my outlook a bit.

OK, reflection time.

Looking back to where we were last year, is just crazy. I was newly pregnant, so happy in my marriage and freshly moved into our apartment and oblivious to what 2008 was going to bring. Sadness, excitment, loads and loads of sobing and more love than I could ever express. I was slightly surprised to be pregnant, but more than thrilled. We had been trying for some time with a small little 'break'.... you could say. As my dad said, there is only one way to 'not try'. So we welcomed this pregnancy with well open arms. The new year came and Josh got laid off. Not a huge deal, but it became one shortly thereafter. With all that stress, our marriage took it toll. We had been in counseling and it was working. As we finally made it to our 5 month marker, we couldn't wait to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. I wanted a girl so bad, but I kind of knew it was a boy. We could hardly keep it together waiting for that u/s. As we got situated and started, we joked and laughed. Then the tech said, things don't look very good. I remember the devistation that I felt. I was trying to keep it together, but I don't think that I did a very good job. The next day we went and saw a specialist but it was still so scary. The outlook wasn't very good.

We then got sent to Bellevue, where I met the most amazing doctors. Dr Walker and Dr Paek. They became my hero's. The day we met them, they performed a procedure where they drained fluid from Lucas' chest cavity. Talk about freaky. It was basically like an amnio, but this time they wanted to get the baby. I remember him jerking when they poked him. Poor little man. We thought we'd be going back weekly for him to be drained and then needing to deliver him early. But every week Lucas became better and better. As I approached my 40 weeks we believed he was going to be fine and healthy. We just said it over and over. Which I guess wasn't the smarted thing, in hindsight. They induced me 2 days before my 40 week mark. It was a strange weekend, thats for sure. The most emotional weekend ever! Thank God my mom flew in that Friday. Lucas was born on 8/09. What a miracle. Just a few months before they told us that he wouldn't make it. He was doing ok at that hospital, but I wasn't. I had a spinal headache, and let me tell you, its toture. I had to lay flat for about a week and I was so miserable. Lucas was sent to Seattle and I was stuck in a bed.

He was transfered to Seattle Childrens Hospital, where he spent 3 more weeks. He was such a little trooper, defying all the odds. He had 2 surgeries. One to repaid his hernia and the other to fix his intestines. After 32 days in the hospital, he finally came home. It was so exciting. As the weeks and months went by, he just blew us all away. We went from seeing doctors every week, to now only a couple times a month. He has made leaps and bounds.
This little man is truely a miracle. This year in our lives will never be forgotten. I wrote earlier about my marriage. Well, it has made another year. We struggled, but we came out on top. We've been through so much stress and emotion and in the end its brought us together.

And don't let me forget my big boy Joshua. He is just a great kid. Full of life and energy. He sure keeps us on our toes. If he weren't such a great independent kid, this year would have been even harder. I couldn't have made it through without him!

Here are a few pictures from this last year.

Our little family of 3








1st utrasound picture









Lucas Henry

About 8 months pregnant

Right before delivery

My little Angle

Lucas

Halloween 2008

Joshua Paul on his 3rd bday

Joshua and I in NY

Josh and Joshua

Our family of 4

Christmas Time

Here are few pictures from our time over at Alice and Bill's. We had a really nice time. We just hung out Christmas Eve and played games and munched on snacks. Christmas morning was nice and relaxing. We had a bug breakfast around 10 and then opened presents. We just sat around all day, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Not having an agenda and schedule is wonderful. We had a fantastic meal later that day. Over all it was great. We got lots of great things, but spending time with family is the best. I said to Josh in the car on the way home how its funny how things change when you are an adult. I remember being a teenager and being so utterly bored. All I wanted to do was leave and do anything. Something other than being at home. Now that is ALL I want to do. Hang at home and do nothing. Play games with my family. Its just funny.

Merry Christmas

Well, this time comes every year and this happens every year. I miss my family. As much as I love my family here in WA, its just not the same without my parents and brothers. I did see them all and get my fill, but I still dream of a day when I can drive to visit them. Where my kids can go for the weekend. When we can have family nights with my side. Its sad. I miss you guys.

Well, today I am packing up for the night and heading to Alice and Bills. We decided to make it a tradition to spend Christmas Eve there with Matt and Maggie. So that is the plan. There sure is a lot to pack. Clothes for 4, all of the crap that goes along with that. Bottles and baby gear, the griddle for Christmas breakfast, and loads of presents for everyone. And I can only exect it to multiply when we get ready to come home. Oh yea, fun!

Anyway, I'll be sure to post some pictures when we get back. I wish you all a merry Christmas!

Oh and I will also try to get my hubby to video tape Lucas laughing. I never got Joshua laughing and I regret it. So I really want this one captured. He weighed in today at 12lbs 4 oz. Not the greatest but we'll take a gain. Thats 5 oz in a week. And we are back on the g-tube for a few oz a day. Oh well.

I have plenty to write about these last couple of weeks, but I'm just not up for it tonight. I am here solely to post a video and hoping that my slow computer will cooperate. I bought a jumperoo for Lucas in hopes that it might help his neck strengthen. He is most happy standing, but I can't hold him all day, so I thought this would help. So last night we put him in it and well, see for yourself. Its so funny. Disregard my husband talking in the background though.

OK, so as I wait not so patientl for my video to upload I might as well fill you in on whats been happening. Joshua is just about potty trained. #2 and everything. Its amazing. We are so proud. Lucas is doing pretty good. He is gaining weight, but just not getting in what we really want him to right now. So we are back to using his g-tube for a few more ounces at night. We are hoping that he can really put some weight on and that he'll do it on his own.

We built a gingerbread house together as a family. Yes, its from scratch. Can you expect anything less from me? Josh and I started it while Joshua was napping and we had a great start. But after Joshua woke up and we kept telling him to stop, don't touch that. Go sit down. We thought it was mean, so we let him help. After many candies popped in his mouth here is our final result:

I also wanted to add the one of Josh watching Mary Poppins....by himself. Who would have ever thought that he would like that movie? Oh and he things that Julie Andrews is beautiful. :o)

And this one of Joshua is just one for the books. Its going to be the one I show his wife to be someday. LOL. That will be a fun day.

All bundled up to go outside and play in the snow!

Off the charts!

So yes, I always new my boys were special. But who knew this much? We went to the pediatrician yesterday. Joshua had his 3 year check up and Lucas had his 4 month check up. Mr. Joshua is pushing 48 pounds. On the charts he is probably ranging around the 150th percintile. Yes, thats my boy!!!
Lucas is special too. He's around the -75th percentile. Is that even right? Maybe the 0.75 ?? Whatever. LOL. We are trying different ways to get some meat on that boy. Working around breast milk and formula. We might have to start making the formula a higher calorie count too. Its interesting to hear our dietician talk. Weight per kilo's, yada yada. Who knows what she is talking about.

Things are going well though. I'm almost done breast feeding though. While on vacation, I was breast feeding exclusivly. But after he lost weight, I was pumping and giving him formula. But now that I am only pumping, my milk is almost gone. After 4 months of just mostly pumping, I am at the end. I am proud of myself for making it to our origional goal of actually breast feeding, and for pumping this long. But Lucas' health is most important and he needs more. And well, formula is way easier for momma too.

Lucas is one happy baby that is for sure. Our therapists were excited to see his progress since before we left for NY. His eye sight has improved so much and his motor skills are great. Our dr was excited too. Actually saying that his motor skills are that of a 4 month old! Holy cow. How amazing. God is good!

Our big boy Joshua is doing well too. He started potty training Monday, and much to my surprise, is doing awesome!!! We started off having to pee every 20 minutes. Yes, 20 minutes all day long. Tuesday was about 30 minutes. And Wednesday was averaging about every hour. And today was much better around an hour and a half. We tried training him in NY but it just didnt work. I wasn't ready and neither was he. Its just working and I am more than thrilled.

What a 'vacation' we've had. I was hoping to get away and have a break from dr's appointments, but that didn't happen. We saw the chiropractor, podiatrist, and pediatrician. 5 appointments in all. But it was worth it. As long as my little guy is healthy and happy, thats all that matters.
Something happened with Lucas though. Not sure what it was. The chiropractor, the venting and relief of gas. But little Lucas is such a happy boy. Before we left, he never really smiled. Never cooed. And now he is doing both. Its amazing! Yesterday, he ever rolled over! From back to front. Its quite incredible. He is looking at you, staring, following. What a miracle. Its amazing to see the progress in just a few weeks. I can't wait to see his therapists and show them how amazing he is!
Here are a few pictures of my guys and a video of Lucas smiling. He's so sweet. It'll bring a smile to your face.

Lucas having the dredded tummy time.

zonked

What a sweet face. Tell me...could you not smile at that face?!

My boys

My birthday boy!

Pre birthday nap. Notice- no pacifiers!

Joel and his fiance Kristin

Lucas joining in on the party.

Oh yea, guns.

Uncle Joel helping Joshua

My little boy is 3! 3 yeers olnd. Thats how he says it anyway. I had wanted to do some kind of party, but I kept putting it off, not sure of what to do. McDonalds was booked up for a few months, so that was out. So we just ordered pizza and wings from my favorite wing place. We had chocolate cupcakes and green ice cream, Joshua's favorite. My friend Tiffany and her 2 boys, Christian and Cameron came too. They are older, but get a kick out of Joshua. Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joel, Aunt Kristin, grandma Kris, and Grandpa Tom joined us too. We had a lot of fun. It was a bit crazy....and a bit loud. But overall it was a success.

I like to think of myself as pretty centimental, but this year I didn't cry. LOL. I do want to write a few things down, and here is where its easiest at this point in my life.

This year Joshua has grown leaps and bounds. He talks up a storm and is so full of energy. He loves running and jumping...and growling. He knows all of his colors, shapes, alphabet, and can count to 20. He has been to quite a few places in his life too. He was born in Texas. Has traveled to Florida, California, New York and Hawaii. All in 3 years. Wow!

He is a fiesty kid, but he is oh so loving. He may hit once in a while, but he is always quick to say he is sorry and give a hug. He is rarely ever shy. He'll offer a hug and a hello to almost anyone, anywhere.

Joshua knows how to push my buttons, but I would never trade him for anything. He has been a great big brother and such a trooper through these last few months. If I had a momma's boy, I don't think that he would have been so great through our stay in the hospital. Even after 3 years, I get teary eyed thinking of the day that I found out I was pregnant. He was the most easy going baby ever, just exactly what I needed at that time in my life. He is the light of my life and I love him so.

Joshua and I....yes,that is a normal facial expression for him. I think hs face might actually freeze that way.

This was Thanksgiving day here in NY. I think we got most of that the day before and that morning. It was fun building our snowman together.

This is out back of my parents house. I love that waterfall. Its just part of the reason I love northern NY.

My oldest friend Tiffany

My parents and the kiddos.

Here is my brother Jesse and Joshua playing in the snow. Nothing too interesting, but its cute. I think that uncle Jesse really gets amused by Joshua.

Joshua likes eating snow, but there wasn't any yet. So this is what he resorted too.

Freaky!

Ok so about 3 weeks ago, little man's belly button started crusting over. Totally strange since its been healed since he was about 2 weeks old. Anyway, yesterday I was cleaning it and there was a small black spot. As I started looking closer and moving ita round it looked like a string had attatched to the crust. I pulled gently on it, but it wouldn't come off. Eww, nasty, the string was coming out of his belly button. So as you would all guess, I freaked out. I called my husband and my friend and then the Dr's asking what I should do. I really wanted to talk with the nurses at Children's in Seattle, but no one was answering. Finally I talked with someone today and she calmed me down. Its nothing to freak out about. Its probably just the disolvable stitches that didn't dissolve. So I'm heading back to the hospital when I return to get it checked out about. Its was just a freaky moment. Who has stuff expelled out of their belly button?!

I also took Lucas to the chiropractor Monday. The Dr specialises in pediatrics. She was nice and recommends me to follow up with someone when we get home. He has tight muscles on the left side of his head, which explains why he always has his head turned right! So it was a good appointment overall.

In other news, I didn't lose any weight this week. Boo! I have been on Weight Watchers for about 2 months and have been doing great. Down 17 pounds. But last night I was up .4 Yes, that doesn't sound bad, but I've never gained. So I am guessing that tomorrows festivities won't be helping me lose. Oh well, its vacation, right?!

I hope that you all have a great Thanksgiving. I know I will. My brothers will both be here, and my future sister in law! Joel's engaged and I am so thrilled. Finally, one of them is normal....ish. LOL.

Poor Little Big Toes

My little boy had to have surgery on his little big toes. I swear Lucas has just had the roughest life ever. I know what its like to have ingrown toenails and have to have surgery on them. And basically, it sucks. We went in last Friday and had the side of his nail removed. It hasn't gotten any better since and so we took him in today and they removed the whole toenail in his right toe. And to be safe, they removed the corner of his left toe. He screamed with the shots, but did well with the removal. Its so hard for me to see the poor kid go through pain. I know that this is what we have to deal with as parents, but c'mon already, I'm over it.

On a brighter note..... I talked with the dietitian a few days ago about Lucas being extremely gassy. He has been since we started feedings. After worrying that I may need to switch to formula to help his pain, she asked me if I vent his tube. I told her that I did but it never seemed to help. After talking with a nurse practitioner, she called me back and asked how I was venting. I had been lifting the closure on the tube, which was apparently wrong. I actually needed to put the extension tubing on, as if I were to start a tube feeding and that is how to vent properly. Of course, no one told me that, and I of course didn't pack the tubing with me. So we found a home health care store and I found the correct tubing. I came home and as soon as I put the tubing in and locked it, air came out. You could hear it. It was amazing. So now, after months of torture he is feeling better. Some of you may not know that Lucas can't burp. So after feedings, there is no way for air to escape. So now, I can help the little guy! YEA!

Well, we made it to NY. After a long and trying day we were so happy to be on the ground and in our mom's/grandma's arms. It feels like forever since we had seen her when really it had only been since Lucas was born. The last time that we were in NY was last November. Man, so much has changed. Starting with my family, but the city here is so different and even my parents house. Its been relaxing too. We haven't had anything scheduled and it has been awesome. No dr's appointments, playdates. AHHH, I can breath. That is over soon because tomorrow I have plans and we actually have a DR's appointment Friday here. Yes, how crazy. Lucas had a little surgery on his toe Friday before we left and its doesn't look great, so we are taking him in to get it checked out.We flew in and it was snowing and about 30 degrees. Then yesterday it hit 26! Today a whopping 20! LOL. I am going coat shopping tomorrow. HA! Should have thought about that a bit sooner.

So our trip went ok. We hit a ton of traffic Monday morning on the way to the airport. Time that I hadn't accounted for. So as we trekked through the Seattle terminal our S gates were at the opposite end. I had to take elevators that were off the beaten path and I actually got lost. As we arrived to our gate, I was the last person to board. You know how they usually let people with small children board first, well there is a reason for that. I waited at the ramp for my gate checked items to be tagged then trampled through the teeny tiny isle with.... a car seat, back pack, diaper bag, and infant all while watching Joshua march to the end of the isle. Finally someone helped me and took my kid but goodness it was a mess. As we got seated I realized that the wonderful middle seat that had been reserved for us was booked and i had to switch with this nice old man with halitosis. i don't use that often to describe people with bad breath because there is a distinct difference. This man smelled like he actually got done eating poop. My plan of arriving early to the airport was so that I could feed Joshua, put Lucas in his carrier and comfortable and get things ready for a 5 hour flight. Now I had to do it all while sitting in a seat holding a baby. Both of the kids did good considering. They slept at different times, so I was tired but it was better than 2 cranky kids i guess.After landing I only had about 40 mins between landing and take off. I looked for my gate took off. I confused C87 and C97 and so that took some time to cover for. Once arriving at my correct gate I was able to go potty, something I hadn't done since 430AM. I got Joshua a snack and thought, finally, a moment to take a breath. Well, they then announced our gate change. From C97 to C114.


(New day, I went to bed)

As we made our to C114, we all wanted to make sure we were at the right gate. So as the attendant checked she so nicely told us that it was back at C99. And as we so nicely told her it was never at C99 and we weren't walking all the way back there again if it wasn't for sure. So as I literally jogged back with the kids to C99, Joshua all the while yelling, 'mommy, I don't want to run. I want to walk!' And poor little Lucas scrunched us in his cling bouncing up and down. Finally we arrived at C99, and what was waiting you ask? nothing. Yup, no plane. So we stopped and got situated. We were there about 15 minutes and then boarded. It was a short flight, thank God. If it were any longer I think I would have lost my mind.We got to Syracuse around 7, about an hour late. We let Joshua run around and play, the poor kid. And we let Lucas stretch. When we left we finally got some food. Our first meal since 7Am. Then we had an hours drive home. The kids both slept and I got some much needed talking out. When I don't talk all day to adults, it gets built up!



So far our trip has been good though. I think the kids have finally adjusted. Lucas was super fussy the first day back and he is now back to staring at the wall contently. And Joshua was a bit envelope pushing checking out his boundaries, but I think that is starting to go away. And today it snowing. 23 and snowing. Yeah. Oh and if you haven't found the sarcasm in this blog, please re-read and see if you can. It is strategically placed throughout this whole thing. :o)I'll post a few pictures soon. Here is one from last weeks photo shoot. Its the only one that turned out of all of us. Joshua wanted to play with the dog at the farm that wouldn't leave us alone. Josh wanted to leave, he hates pictures. And Lucas couldn't hold his head and he looks goofy in almost every picture. But at lease we got one!!

Where in the world?

So Josh and I were talking about our 10 year anniversary. Its not until 2010, but we thought maybe we should start saving for it now so that we can go somewhere amazing. Well, as usual, we don't agree. I thought somewhere amazing, the Caribbean, Europe. He thinks, Africa, Alaska, Antarctica. So where do we go? Where would you go if you could go basically anywhere? Give me some ideas would ya?!

Changing of the blog

Ok so I am trying to make my blog prettier and my past posts look dumb now. So I am attempting something here. Lets see......

One Less Doctor

More great news to report from the Wakefield clan. We had our monthly cardiologist visit this week. Lucas had an echo, the first since being inpatient in Seattle. Lucas' diagnosis since pregnancy has been a VSD and an ASD, ventricular septal and arterial septal defect. Well, as of Thursday the VSD is almost completely gone! The Dr said it was about the size of a pin prick. The ASD is bound to close up on its own and really cause no health problems. We won't be having monthly visits anymore and we don't have to return until Lucas is 1! We are so excited and I love having a Dr's appointment out of the way.

We also met with the neuro optimologist. It went good. He used a lot of foreign terms and big words that I didn't know, but over all it was good. He said that Lucas can see its just that his vision is under developed which we pretty much knew. The vision therapist was there with us during the appointment so she took notes and will probably explain everything to me again. He showed us a few techniques to work on with him too. Overall it was a great experience.

Talk about incredible. Today we had our therapist come together and work with Lucas. The ladies are really nice and just love my little guy. Kama is the vision development therapist and Kim is the occupational therapist. So today they came together to work with him and it was amazing. Occasionally, Lucas will track something or focus on something but it is only occasional. There isn't a real distinction the majority of the time. But today, Kim had her hands under his neck in special place to relieve pressure on the optic nerve and all of a sudden, Lucas was following Kama's light. Tracking and following for almost 10 minutes! It was incredible. Earlier she was working on his diaphragm and he burped. That may not sound neat to you, but he has never burped before! LOL. Yes, its true, he's never burped. Because of his surgery he doesn't burp or throw up. I am just excited about the work that they will be doing with Lucas and I can't wait to see how well he does.

And I just got a call from Kama and she got us in to see the specialist this week. They want to get a 'before' evaluation and get a base line so that when they start working they can see the progress. I am just excited!

I'm posting these just because these are so sweet of my Joshua. I miss those days!

Lucas had professional pictures finally! After 3 months, we finally made it there. I am really happy with the outcome. Now we can keep the ball rolling as he gets bigger, just as I promised myself.