Monday, December 29, 2008

Peace and Quiet

I am sitting at home enjoying some peace and quiet and I thought that I should take advantage of this moment and reflect. So that is what I am going to do.
Let me start off by getting one thing out though. I have been feeling a bit of 'woe is me' these last few days. Not that I am having a pity party or anything, just that I feel bad for my little guy and wishing he was a little more healthy. But as I read about some friends, I realize just how lucky I am to just be dealing with these few issues. He is out of the hospital, not on any meds, breathing....living. I need to be thankful everyday just for that. I need to change my outlook a bit.

OK, reflection time.

Looking back to where we were last year, is just crazy. I was newly pregnant, so happy in my marriage and freshly moved into our apartment and oblivious to what 2008 was going to bring. Sadness, excitment, loads and loads of sobing and more love than I could ever express. I was slightly surprised to be pregnant, but more than thrilled. We had been trying for some time with a small little 'break'.... you could say. As my dad said, there is only one way to 'not try'. So we welcomed this pregnancy with well open arms. The new year came and Josh got laid off. Not a huge deal, but it became one shortly thereafter. With all that stress, our marriage took it toll. We had been in counseling and it was working. As we finally made it to our 5 month marker, we couldn't wait to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. I wanted a girl so bad, but I kind of knew it was a boy. We could hardly keep it together waiting for that u/s. As we got situated and started, we joked and laughed. Then the tech said, things don't look very good. I remember the devistation that I felt. I was trying to keep it together, but I don't think that I did a very good job. The next day we went and saw a specialist but it was still so scary. The outlook wasn't very good.

We then got sent to Bellevue, where I met the most amazing doctors. Dr Walker and Dr Paek. They became my hero's. The day we met them, they performed a procedure where they drained fluid from Lucas' chest cavity. Talk about freaky. It was basically like an amnio, but this time they wanted to get the baby. I remember him jerking when they poked him. Poor little man. We thought we'd be going back weekly for him to be drained and then needing to deliver him early. But every week Lucas became better and better. As I approached my 40 weeks we believed he was going to be fine and healthy. We just said it over and over. Which I guess wasn't the smarted thing, in hindsight. They induced me 2 days before my 40 week mark. It was a strange weekend, thats for sure. The most emotional weekend ever! Thank God my mom flew in that Friday. Lucas was born on 8/09. What a miracle. Just a few months before they told us that he wouldn't make it. He was doing ok at that hospital, but I wasn't. I had a spinal headache, and let me tell you, its toture. I had to lay flat for about a week and I was so miserable. Lucas was sent to Seattle and I was stuck in a bed.

He was transfered to Seattle Childrens Hospital, where he spent 3 more weeks. He was such a little trooper, defying all the odds. He had 2 surgeries. One to repaid his hernia and the other to fix his intestines. After 32 days in the hospital, he finally came home. It was so exciting. As the weeks and months went by, he just blew us all away. We went from seeing doctors every week, to now only a couple times a month. He has made leaps and bounds.
This little man is truely a miracle. This year in our lives will never be forgotten. I wrote earlier about my marriage. Well, it has made another year. We struggled, but we came out on top. We've been through so much stress and emotion and in the end its brought us together.

And don't let me forget my big boy Joshua. He is just a great kid. Full of life and energy. He sure keeps us on our toes. If he weren't such a great independent kid, this year would have been even harder. I couldn't have made it through without him!

Here are a few pictures from this last year.

Our little family of 3








1st utrasound picture









Lucas Henry












About 8 months pregnant
Right before delivery
My little Angle
Lucas
Halloween 2008
Joshua Paul on his 3rd bday








Joshua and I in NY
Josh and Joshua
Our family of 4



2 comments:

Rebekah Moore said...

oh wow, rach, u blow me away again! i actually have tears in my eyes. remember one thing: God will NEVER give us more than we can handle. And He will NEVER leave us alone. When it seems too hard, He WILL carry us thru. you are an amazing and wonderful woman. you are my sister and i love you!

The Wakefield's blog said...

You are so sweet beck. It was a hard year. The hardest by far, and we've had some doozies. But at the same time absolutely the best. I am so blessed. I think God trusts me a bit much sometimes though.

Love you!