Jealousy

Is it ok to feel sorry for yourself? For you kids? Well, thats how I am feeling right now. I was on Facebook reading about a couple girls pregnant with their second baby. I got a happy feeling for them, then a sad feeling for me. I remember when I was in their shoes. I was so excited, then not so excited. I just got a feeling of jealousy reading about their babies. Is that ok?

I guess I am just sad that Lucas isn't like the other babies his age. Walking, starting to talk, understanding so many things. Don't get the wrong idea. I love my baby more than life itself. But its still sad to not know what to expect out of life for him. I was talking with a lady at church Sunday about it too. What does the future hold for him? Will he ever date? Have a job? Marry and have kids? Its sad to think that he might not have any of those pleasures in life.

Its weird to talk about this, but in the same sense its great too. Maybe he won't have any problems when he is older. Maybe he will be completely normal for societies standards. And another thing, maybe its all ok. Maybe he won't have to go through so many of the hardships in life. Losing a job, stress, fights.

This is another one of those crazy posts. I just had to get it off my chest. Its hard being Lucas mom, but of so wonderful. Sometimes I just need to get things out. Its sure helps me feel better.

Lay off = Vacation

Multenomah Falls, OR

On the train to the zoo

Hanging at the pool

Federation Forrest, WA

A few weeks ago, Josh came home from work and told me that he had gotten laid off. Super. Didn't we just buy a house? Oh yeah, that's right. But we were smart about things when we bought this house. We knew that we could afford living here if Josh got laid off. He still gets money from disability and that covers most of our living expenses. Its a huge blessing.

Since Josh works construction and works for the union, they don't get vacation days, pay or sick leave. So in the last 2 years we've not really had a family vacation. So we decided to take advantage of the time we had together and have a little getaway. We took off to Portland last weekend and had a blast. We stayed at a really cool hotel. It was a bit too hip for our needs, but it was cool. It was near the airport and train stations, so there was plenty of things to do. We went to the Oregon Zoo on Friday. Hands down, the best zoo I've ever been too. It was great. Tons of animals in a huge place. It had animals from all over, including the Pacific Northwest.

We got to see some of nature, which I love. My husband even sucked it up, and took me the long way home. I wanted to drive the coast and he agreed. After a few hours, I was a bit bummed we went the long way though. It took 3 hours to get to Portland, and 7 to get home!!! It got a bit old. But I was happy that we did it in the long run. The kids were great, except for the bit of puke we had half way through the trip home. Joshua said he didn't feel good, but he was fine. A few hours later he said the same thing, so we pulled over and he puked. He caught us by surprise, that's for sure!

Over all, it was an awesome trip. It was great for our family to get away and have fun together. We are ready for work again, but we are still taking advantage of the time off. We have projects around the house that need to get done, and yesterday we went on a little hiking adventure. We all had fun except for Lucas. He was not a happy baby in the backpack carrier. He wanted out.

Birthday Baby

So I almost published my latest blog. All about my pregnancy and crazy birth story. All about the issues that I dealt with bringing Lucas into the world. I couldn't finish it and left it for another day. I am so glad that I waited. I sat and went over the blog in my head and realized that the blog wasn't about me. The birthday wasn't about me. It was about my baby. It was all about Lucas.



Here he is, able to breath. His heart is beating. His eyes are seeing. His ears are hearing. His brain is working. All of which we didn't think would happen.



When I was pregnant, one doctor told me that my pregnancy was a 'missed miscarriage'. What is that? This was no missed anything.



One doctor gave us an option of abortion. What is that? There was no way!



One doctor told us Lucas couldn't see or hear. What? I don't think so.



My amazing little baby has proven so many wrong. He had prayer from the start and God came through, as usual! He had a purpose and is fulfilling it every single day.



I am blessed beyond measure with Lucas in my life. He has taught me so many things about love. About myself. About the love I have for my husband. And he helped me have a better relationship with Jesus. There is no way that I could have made it through the last year and a haf without being able to lean on Jesus. To cry out to him in my moments of dispare. In the moments that I was so scared and at the bottom. I owe everything to him. Thank you Jesus for my baby!

My oh my

Well, 4 days before his birthday look what Lucas can do!!

I don't think anyone thought this was possible. Our goal was to have him sitting independantly by 1. And look how he took it one step further. I could not be more proud! I was crying watching him today! I am so blessed!

At Last

At last, I'm back to blogger world.
At last, I'm in my OWN home.
At last, I can actually not hear a neighbor. Yet.

We are finally moved in. Well, that's if you call moved in most of your things in the garage. But still, they are on our own property and everything is in our possession. Ours and the bank.

We are so happy. This has been such and exciting, stressful and thrilling experience. After a few hick ups and postponed closing dates, we closed on July 21st. We moved in that weekend and we've been slowly unpacking since. We have a lot of things that we no longer need or want that are being stacked in the humongous garage. Someday we'll get to that. We also been buying a few things for our place. Little things like towel racks and hand towels. But also a new bedroom set. I am so excite to have that because its been 9 years and never a bed of our own. Its always been a frame and a mattress. Boring. But now we'll actually have new furniture in there. Sweet!

The kids are doing good. Joshua had been pushing the envelope on everything for the last few weeks, but I think that is coming to an end now that we are moved in and settling down. Lucas was kind of doing the same. The first 3 days here, he screamed. I wasn't sure what it was, but I was not happy. That stopped, thankfully.

We've had a crazy, and I mean crazy, heat wave. Wednesday my car said 104! What?! I know. Nuts!!! Its finally going back down. High of 90 tomorrow. Even that is high for here. All of the stores have sold out of air conditioners, pools and even fans. We all freak out here in the heat. Wednesday we even went and walked around Petco to stay out of the heat with the dog. LOL.

I'll be uploading pictures soon. Especially of the yard. We have a great sized yard that wasn't level when we moved in. Sunday Josh and his dad and a guy from his work came over and leveled the yard. 7 hours in the heat later, mommas got a level yard! I was so thrilled. We are trying to spread out the top soil that has been put down and then they'll come and hydroseed. I can not wait until it is all done. Green grass, full fencing and my kid outside! Yea!!

Well, I am so thrilled to be back online and reading everyones blog. I've been missing everyone and being nosy! I'll be back, and soon.

come on already

OK, so if you ask my husband he would say that I was a bit OCD. I'm not. Well, not completely anyway. I like things in they're place and I love organization. I'm not always that way and I'm learning to deal with it as I get older. I am busy all the time and I don't always have time to organize.



But this is getting a bit rediculous. Its Thursday. Saturday hubby should be moving everything left here, out. Sunday I'll be cleangin my patootie off and Monday is for shampooing carpets and such. Tuesday is the last day and the walk thru. Then, freedom. OK, not freedom. But no apartment....ever!!


I'm a bit excited.

I have so many plans. I am picking out themes and colors for my boys rooms. I've always wanted a purple room. I really don't have a space to do that, so I get my laundry room to do what I want with. LOL. Maybe I should put a massage chair in there. Ha ha. Thats actually a good idea! But I'll get to paint it purple and do what I want. Yea!



So life has been hectic over the last few weeks. But I've really enjoyed this time with my husband. We've been together for 11 years now and you'd think we'd know every last thing and have the best relationship. But its taken a lot of years and ton of hard work to finally get along. LOL. Its not that bad. Anyway, for the first time in our marriage I feel like we are finally on the same page. One of us has always been reading ahead, or not following the 'outlilne', and after 9 years of marriage I really feel like this is the right time for us! We are happy, in love and so excited. Its fun to see Josh excited about something. He's not the 'get excited' type, so this is fun for me. He's been working sooo hard too. At work, and around here. I love it!


Here are a few pictures of the kiddos. Lucas is doing great. He's starting to sit up a bit. -If I prop he there- He can stay on his knees for a little while too. He's starting to put his knee up to get there on hus own too. I'm a proud mama. He's getting his 5th tooth in today too. We've noticed the drool the last few days and its just popping through. This time- no side effects! Yea!

Help me up!!

drool baby!

Compromises and Excitement

Well, we did it. We bought a house. We are soo excited. We've been dreaming of this for years, but we've never been in a place where it could actually happen. We are finally stable enough as people to buy a house! :o)

I didn't think that we were ready to jump to this whole thing this year. But after sitting down with our cousin, the mortgage broker, I realized we could actually do this. So we found the perfect place a week after we were serisous. We made an offer after seeing it the first day and it was on. There was a little bit of a bidding war with another offer and at the end of it, our offers were neck and neck. So the seller talked with a lawyer and they chose the other offer. We were so bummed.

So we started our search again. This time expading our search area beyond where we really really wanted to be. We knew that if we looked a bit further we could get more for our money. So we started looking in Bonney Lake. Its about a 10 minute drive from where we are now. So its relly not that bad. After seeing 3 other houses and really liking them, the last one won. We made an offer that day. Around here you jump fast, or its gone. We learned that on the first house. Well, the offer was accepted with all of our terms. We asked for a lot, but in the end the seller got what they wanted too. Money.

So the compromises are:

We really wanted like an acre of land. Well, thats basically impossible here unless you are serisouly in the country, or get a big time fixer. Neither of which we wanted. That is why the first house was perfect. It wasn't a fixer and it had an amazing yard.

We really, well I really, wanted to live in the valley. Basically where we were living. Close to family and friends. And closer to church. Bonney Lake is not where I wanted to be.

In the end, we got a beautiful house that fits our needs, had a nice yard that will be fenced in, in Bonney Lake.

Bonney Lake has everything you need and more. 3 grocery stores, Lowes, Home Depot, movie theatre, Target, Applebees, 2 Starbucks, tons of fast food and a Walmart. OK, I think I just sold myself again on Bonney Lake. Haha.

The house is also brand new. Its in a development which we never said we'd live in. But its a corner lot with a great yard. Its next to a lake, ok pond, and its out near a small forrest. Its great.

So in 2 weeks (ack!) we'll be moving out of this apartment and into...wait for it..... my inlaws house. LOL. Our closing date isn't until the 15th of July. We're breaking our lease, so we have penalities and such, so we're saving a whole months rent by living with them for 2 weeks. Oh it'll be fun, thats what I keep telling myself and Alice anyway.

So thats it for now. The next time you see pictures of the place will be moving day! Yea!!

The Struggle

Deep.

I struggle weekly with being a mom.

Growing up all I ever did was play house. I was the mom to all the neighborhood kids. I was mom to the dogs, cats, whomever would play with me. I always dreamed of blissful motherhood. As I grew older and struggled to concieve, I pictured beautiful, talented amazing kids growing older, being popular and becoming doctors.

As the years went on, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby in the world. (Its true) He was so easy, content and healthy. I would get stopped every day and be told how beautiful he was, even by men. Then he grew. He's now 3 1/2. What a crack up. He drives me nuts, he can be such a brat, but he's hilarious and I love him to death. I wouldn't trade him for anything. (Most of the time)

A few more years went by and I gave birth to another child. A sweet baby. But completely different than child #1. He is not healthy, not easy. Of course, I think he's beautiful. But this one has thrown me for a loop. He challenges me daily. But I love him more than anything.

My dreams of motherhood were nothing like I am experiencing. Its a hard reality. I must admit I do not have the kid who throws a tantrum on the floor of the store because he isn't getting a candy bar. He might try, but I would NOT let that happen. I swore I wouldn't and I've stuck to it. But by all means, I don't have the quiet kid who sits and always says please and thank you every single time. There are times I think I might break. There are times I think I seriously might lose my mind. There are times I think I want to quit. This is not easy. Period.

I have a cousin with Down's Syndrome. He was so funny. We would always have such a fun time with him when he came to visit. I recall a conversation about him with my dad when I was probably 14 or so. I remember saying that I don't think I could handle having a kid with Downs. But my dad said enouragingly, 'Of course you could. And you would do so great!'. What? Little does he know...... Just kidding.

Being Lucas mom is hard.

Being Lucas' mom is rewarding.

Being Lucas' mom is a struggle.

Being Lucas' mom is so amazing.

I love it. (Most of the time)

I don't think that I've ever gone through that 'woe is me' bit. Ok, I did. way back in the beginnging when I was pregnant. But not since Lucas was born. I do go through the, 'I don't think I'm cut out for this' bit though.

A few weeks ago when I was with my mom I told her that I didn't understand why God gave me Lucas. I am not patient, or kind hearted. She said to me 'I think I am patient and kind hearted, and I don't think I could go through it either'. Thanks mom. LOL. She saw first hand how hard it can be. I was in NY for 5 days and day 3 he was sick.

That next week as I talked with my friend Jenni, I told her what I said. She told me 'God probably gave you Lucas to make you patient and kind hearted'. Well said Jenni. Well said.

This is just a glimpse inside my head. I go back and forth every single day. I don't understand how I'm going to do this for the rest of my life. And then I am so thankful for that little boy that I forget about the work that comes with him.

This was a crazy post. I understand that. But welcome to my world! ;o)

May Pictures

Preschool Mother's Tea/Program

Joshua being a 'hero'

Lucas riding a tricycle Totally GQ

At the ocean, being such a boy

Monkey man

Uncle Joel

Packed up and ready to go

ceiling fans are so cool

My friend Katie and I

Lucas hanging with Maddie

Lucas enjoying the finer things in life

Yummy!!

SURPRISE!

Again I post when I'm not really up to. Shame.

So here's my big reveal. My really good friend from back in NY was getting married. Originally my BFF was going to fly with me so I could fly for free, but that wasn't gonna work out. Of course Katie had to get married on Memorial Day weekend. So I faced the fats and gave up on getting back to NY. But how could I miss her wedding? This is the girl who never dated. Was always the 'tom-boy', and whom we never thought would marry. How could I miss this? So I searched for tickets and called my daddy. I suckered him into helping me purchase a ticket and started making plans. I brought the baby with me because I wanted to show him off to my parents. And well, who would take both of my kids on a holiday weekend? ;o)
The big deal of the trip was no one knew I was coming. Just my parents and my brothers. I didn't tell any of my friends because I thought it would be fun to surprise them. In my head I pictures walking in on them while they were getting ready and everyone freaking out and screaming and jumping up and down. As I thought about it I realized that I wasn't that important to anyone and I should get a little more of a reality check. So then I started thinking that it would be more of- 'oh hey, Rachel. Cool. Anyway....'. So as I made the final plans that morning as to what was going to happen, I walked in on them and they were soooo excited! They did their little excited yells and it was a blast. I was so glad that I was able to make it to such a beautiful day.
So if you know me at all, you know that I am a take charge kind of girl. Where ever I am, I always tend to take over things. In a good way. (I hope) So that is what I did. I got involved and took pictures, helped get people here and there. Ran for flowers, Starbucks and wedding things. It was awesome. I was able to spend time with all of my great friends and watch a sweet wedding between 2 awesome people.
I did get to spend some great time with my family too. We hung out and played games and talked. I was thrilled to share my baby with all of the. Who would have thought that big uncle Jesse could love a baby so much! My parents were enamored too. One thing that did suck though, was Monday L got sick. He was an angel for 3 days and wham, coughing wheezing, fussy, tummy pain. Sad to think that I go to the pediatrician in NY more than some that live there. They're going to have a file on us filled! They are great though and I am thankful for their taking me on when I am in town.
We made it home after a LONG day of traveling with a fussy baby and forgetting my cell phone in moms car. I was freaking out, but as today has gone by I am realizing that I can live without my phone. (I took my hubby's, BTW)

Now as for the awesome DR's appt last week....I should have written when it was fresh because my brain doesn't last that long anymore. To say that we blew him mind is pretty on spot. We went and saw the physiotherapist. A baby rehab dr. He had read L's file and thought what he'd be seeing was someone other than my kid. Lucas has grown and developed so much lately that he was pretty surprised. When we talked about my pregnancy his face was pretty shocked. When I told him about his birth, he was pretty shocked. And when I told him that the hearing and vision screenings were almost normal, he was SHOCKED! I loved it. He was a great dr and we'll be seeing him in about 3 months. We'll discuss crawling and stuff and baby gates, etc.

So that is it for now. Again, no pictures. I'm too lazy to get up and find my camera. LOL.

Oh and one more thing, we are officially house hunting!!! We met with an agent today and saw a few places. Its soooo exciting. I can't believe that we might be in our own place soon. Oh and House Hunters actually called me back about my application last week. Wouldn't that be cool? I could be on tv.

Ok, done.

Bad Blogger. Bad!

So I've been told by a few people to get on it and blog. So here I am . It will be lame, I'll warn you now. I'm not in the mood to sit and look through pictures and write captions. Or upload videos and wait for the thing to finish. So this is what you get.

I have an extremely exciting weekend planned. But its a secret.

I love my friends. I am so very blessed. There was a FB 'fight' over me. Love it!

I googled my hubby's old 'battle buddy' randomly today and got lucky. I am sooo excited to get in touch with him. Out of all of Josh's friends from the Army, he was the only one I ever liked. Maybe even loved. He was so special and weird. :o) He used to just show up whenever and go where ever. What a free spirit. He got out of the Army and never said goodbye. But Josh and I joked that he would just show up one day at our door step. I can't wait to see him again.

Joshua had his last day of preschool Wednesday. I'm sad. It was good for him, and good for mommy. Now what am I gonna do? He he he. -I have video's to upload, but those are the one's that I don't want to wait for.

I am in the process of losing my toe nail. I am so sad. One day I could hardly walk and then all of a sudden it was infected. All because I was exercising with a nail that wasn't short enough. Stupid exercise. I think I learned my lesson on that one. Stop exercising. That one was easy.

Ok, there's my post. I'll have more next week about my awesome weekend plans. And I'll write about the cool doctors appointments we had this week too. I love blowing their minds. It makes me so thankful and super proud.

where you at?

carrots!
playing in the carrots

bubbles

all alone on the swings

Well, its been a couple of weeks since I last posted. We've been a busy family. From the fair, to the ER to the ocean. Yikes.Yes, I said ER. Last week we went to a little birthday for Joshua's friend Aavin at Chuck E Cheese's. On the way there, we stopped at Walmart to get a gift and Lucas was not having fun in his car seat. He was fussy and coughing and wheezing and burping! Burping! It was the strangest thing. Now that might not sound strange to anyone else, but Lucas can't really burp. He might burp once or twice a week, so for him to burp every time he moved or coughed, it was freaking me out. So once we got to the party, he was just a cranky pants. We made it through and went home. While he slept he was totally fine. But once 7pm rolled around, I couldn't take it. We called the DR and went in. My Dr wasn't there and we saw the other Pedi. She was worried because of his previous obstruction and sent us to the ER. Once there we waited about 20 minutes and made it back. They did a chest xray and a tummy one. There wasn't an obstruction, thankfully and really not excuse for his symptoms. The doc said there was a ton of gas in his intestines, but no way to relieve it. They also had us do a breathing treatment and that worked awesome. He stopped wheezing and started breathing well. So they sent us home with an inhaler and we finally made it home by 1am.

Josh and I had plans to go away for the weekend, the same weekend Lucas decided to get sick. Just like back in January. We had plans and Lucas got sick. Little stinker. But we decided last minute to leave. We would only be an hour away, so if we had to come back we could. We had an awesome weekend. The family has a little place on the water down past Olympia and its sooo quiet and peaceful. I couldn't wait to sit outside and listen to NOTHING!! Well, I guess that never really happened. For some reason, everyone decided to mow their lawns on Sunday. Ugh, how are them. he he. We headed back on Monday and came home to the real world. The kids were great the whole time and I am so thankful for my family. I don't know what I would do without them. I'd probably go crazy! That's for sure.So this week has been a recuperation of our weekend. We've had a pretty good week. We've been busy planning our next weekend away! :o)

My latte, coupons and a view

nap time

a book, a bed and chocolate

fire!

husband

s'mores