Today Was Just A Bad Day

There are day that are easier than others. And then, there are days like today, where I just lose it.

I remember having these feelings of breaking when I only had one kid. One kid, who was 'normal', a husband, and money to pay bills. I was just a stay at home mom, with a pretty ordinary life. But even then, I remember feeling like I would just snap.

And now, here I am, a full time, single mom with 2 kids, one that is handicap, a full-time nursing student and I stress about bills and money, every day.

Today was just a bad day.

I love the days when I can wake up, so grateful that my little boy is healthy and alive. That he has accomplished so many things and overcome so many things, in his short little life. I love the days where I just look at him, and all of my troubles disappear. I love the days when he can hit and scream and pull my hair and beat me, and I am still full of love for him.

Today was just a bad day.

I don't know what the future holds. I wish that there was a guide book to how my kid will grow and what he be able to do. There are no answers to when he will calm down, speak words, be potty trained.....
Will he ever stop hitting?
Will he ever stop screaming?
Will he ever be any better than this?

I am stuck at this point right now, where nothing is changing with him. Its just difficult, 95% of the time. And I know that there is no possible way that I could ever keep this up.

Today was just a bad day.