Thursday, August 27, 2009

Jealousy

Is it ok to feel sorry for yourself? For you kids? Well, thats how I am feeling right now. I was on Facebook reading about a couple girls pregnant with their second baby. I got a happy feeling for them, then a sad feeling for me. I remember when I was in their shoes. I was so excited, then not so excited. I just got a feeling of jealousy reading about their babies. Is that ok?

I guess I am just sad that Lucas isn't like the other babies his age. Walking, starting to talk, understanding so many things. Don't get the wrong idea. I love my baby more than life itself. But its still sad to not know what to expect out of life for him. I was talking with a lady at church Sunday about it too. What does the future hold for him? Will he ever date? Have a job? Marry and have kids? Its sad to think that he might not have any of those pleasures in life.

Its weird to talk about this, but in the same sense its great too. Maybe he won't have any problems when he is older. Maybe he will be completely normal for societies standards. And another thing, maybe its all ok. Maybe he won't have to go through so many of the hardships in life. Losing a job, stress, fights.

This is another one of those crazy posts. I just had to get it off my chest. Its hard being Lucas mom, but of so wonderful. Sometimes I just need to get things out. Its sure helps me feel better.

2 comments:

Joshua said...

How do you write something to say what you truely feel. This made me cry! Rachel I thank GOD for YOU everyday. To have a friendship like yours is amazing. You are always there when I need you and you are an amazing mother for what you have been through. There is no need for Jealousy because Lucas is perfect just the way that GOD made him. No he may not be like other children his age but there is a reason for Lucas in this world. I Love you for being you. I wish that I had as much strength and courage as you do.

mccannfamily said...

Rachel, the beauty of not expecting anything is the joy you get to experience in what many would consider a small or minor accomplishment :-)Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but it's what keeps me going many days with Molly!