Wednesday, February 4, 2009

our 2 steps back....

well, here we are. We've gone backwards a bit. Things were going well until Saturday evening. Lucas' incision started looking red and irritated. We didn't bother doing anything that night and we thought we'd just keep an eye on it. Sunday it was looking better and decided to wait until out doctors appointment Monday to check it out. So at the pediatrician appointment he said it looked like an abscess and if anything changed with it I would need to go and see the surgeon. Well, that night right by his belly button, it was red and hard. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go to the ER is it wasn't necessary. So we paged the surgeon on call. I made an appointment on Tuesday got antibiotics. It looked like an infection under the skin. So far, nothing has changed. Its only been 24 hours, but i was hoping for a little change. We have a follow-up Friday morning. We are scheduled to go out of town around 12, so we are hoping that we aren't going to be admitted to the hospital and we can go on our much needed getaway!!

In other news, we saw the eye doctor and audiologist today. The eye doctor was good. There has been definite progress since our last visit. We are around a 3-4 month range with his visual development. That is where I would rate him on everything, so at least he's even.
For the hearing test today, I thought that it was going to be a waste of time. Lucas failed his newborn screening and then only completed half of the follow up test and passed. I know that my little guy ca hear and there is no doubt in my mind. They ask that you bring your child hungry and tired so that you can feed them and they will sleep for the test. They put a little device in his ear and send sounds and test for the nerve reactions to those sounds. He was doing pretty good during the test. Not moving too much and sleeping decently. After she test for congestion in the ear, which he has because he is sick with a cold. But as she went to tell me that he has significant loss in both ears, my mouth dropped. I just told her that I was shocked. Shocked. We'll be repeating the test in 2 months and they will be sedating him for it. I know that my kid can hear, I just don't understand why the results would come back that way.
The eye doctor did say earlier today that babies use their other senses to help out if one isn't working fully. Like if he didn't hear well, he would use his sight and smell to help find things or hear things. It makes sense, I guess.

Anyway, that is the latest. I know that God has done miracles and will continue. Just think, 5 months ago they told us that he was blind and deaf. Look at us now. And well if we're on that subject, they told us almost a year ago that he wouldn't even make it and well, look at us now!!!!

A few days ago a friend commented on how strong I was. She said, I don't know how you do it. I couldn't. Well, I responded saying, yeah, you would. There just isn't a choice. I know that when I get to a point of self pity I think about the others that have it way worse and they manage just fine. I don't deal with as much as Lucas actually deals with either. And when I get overwhelmed I think about my friend Heather (blog to your right-McCann Happenings) she has 4 kids (triplets and a big sis) who deal with so much as well. Somehow she manages to do so much! Its amazing.
I will say that I've been struggling a bit though. I feel like I go in and out of feeling it all. A little bit numb sometimes. Its hard dealing with 3-4 Dr's appts a week. Having a sick baby almost all of the time. Worrying about his weight, how many ounces he's taking each bottle, his bowels, his poops, his sleep, his belly, his eyes, ears, brain, mouth, neck. Its a constant stress, really, literally, constant. Its been taking a toll. I'm not sure exactly what I'm to do about this whole thing. I worry that this is they way that it will always be. Will he ever be healthy? Will I ever stop feeling numb to it all? Trust me though, I don't feel numb to him. I am so in love with this baby of mine. I cry at night for the pain he must feel all the time. I can't imagine going through what his little tiny body goes through. He has done nothing to deserve all of this pain. If I could take it from him I would in a heartbeat.

Ok, enough whining. I will say that Lucas is up to 13 pounds! YEA!! 13lbs 1oz and 27 inches long. He's long and lean and oh so sweet. Thanks for reading.

5 comments:

Rebekah Moore said...

oh, rachel, there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed and rundown. i feel that way with 2 healthy kids! u have ALOT on your plate, so let me encourage u again: God WILL NOT give you more than you can handle! when it gets rough and exhausting, cry out to Him for help! remember the footprints poem- when the times are hard THAT is when He carries us in His arms! i continue to pray for lucas as always. and for you and josh too. I pray God blesses you today!! lotsa love!

oh and it's not whining, it's venting!! and it's very, very healthy for you! haha!

The Wakefield's blog said...

you like making me cry huh? yo do it all the time. thanks beck.

Montefusco Family said...

Gosh! It seems like it's a struggle all the time to keep him healthy and going. You do such a great job & that's why God blessed you with him, even when you weren't "trying". Is there anything I can do? Come & watch the boys so you can go shop or nap or....
Let me know I am only a 10 min drive away!

mccannfamily said...

You hang in there Rachel! You are doing a great job! What I do when I find myself feeling like it's all too much is remind myself that God is the one in control. You cannot change anything in your circumstances, so save your energy and use it to show your children how much you love them and how much faith you have in them to become strong, capable, and loving little people! Someone said to me once "This too shall pass!" It's true, it will pass and what comes next may or may not be easier, but you can get through whatever it will be!

Jan said...

Your beautiful little boy has come so far - you are doing a great job taking care of him!