Saturday, April 11, 2009

Need to Bloom

Lately I've been feeling out of sorts. I've been feeling not myself. Stressed, worried, tired- ok exhausted, scared. Those of which aren't really me. Yes, I stress. Yes I worry. Yes, I'm tired. But lately, its been to the extreme. I think that the last year is finally catching up to me. Life has taken its toll and I'm kinda freaking out. The 'week of tears' kind of put me in a rut and I haven't been able to get out of it. We are in the process of planning a weekend getaway which is well well over due and sooooooooooooo needed. Can you tell I really need a break? :o)

I've been worried about myself, a good sign I guess in the scheme of things. If I didn't care about my well being then you should probably worry. I've been not wanting to be a mom, homemaker (which is legally my job title) and wife. Its all been no fun and I want a change of pace. No fun you ask? Well, let me elaborate. I've been dealing with a 3 year old potty trained, jealous, not getting enough time with mom, high spirited, full of energy, acting out little boy. He does weird, very werd things to get my attention. Like peeing on his toys. Pooping on the floor. Stuff like that. Oh yes, that is the no fun I am talking about. I am hoping that this is a phase or way of getting mom's attention, because if this is the ride called life- I WANT OFF! I love that boys and daily he makes me smile. But lately, oohhhh, I just don't know what to do. And more of the no fun.... a fussy, skinny, not getting enough time with mom, needs a lot of attention, 8 month old baby. Oh its just a joy.

And let me just add a little bit of more 'no fun' stuff. Cleaning, cooking, budgetting, laundering, cleaning up of pee on toys, poop off floors, and baking (ok that one if fun).
I am not complaining. I actually have a point to this WHOLE blog. As it is a way for me to vent to the hundreds of people reading (ok 30, LOL), it is also to share this little tid bit.

As I drove down the highway today in a bit of a funk, I saw something neat on the side of the road. There was a little bunch of flowers blooming. It was surrounded by weeds, trash and other not so great stuff found in ditches. But through all of the junk, the flowers bloomed. As I looked at those flowers (while driving 60mph down the highway) I realized that I needed to be like those flowers. Surrounded by junk, i.e. cleaning-stressing-kids, I needed to bloom and grow. That even in this crazy stressful time in my life, there is more important things to focus on. Growing as a person. As a christian, a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, and a daughter. I hope that in some part of my life that while I am blooming and growing that I can bring laughter, love and brighten someone's day, just like that flower patch did for me today.

Oh and here are some pictures from todays family day.

Happy Easter!!
When the boys first got together. Joshua and Micah...and Lucas!
My little boy is getting so big!

Cool toys from the grandma's!
Uncle Gabe and Lucas
Hanging with the grandma's. Gma Alice, Micah, Joshua and Gma Robin.
Cousins playing
Trying to find the eggs


Yes, its April. Looks like we hid eggs in October!
Auntie Robin and Uncle Tim

These were a big hit!
Lemon Cheesecake

My whoops, what can I make strawberry pie. It turned out pretty good.
My cyster Denelle's baby Mariana. (Cysters is spelled wrong on purpose!)

And me. :o)


Rebekah Moore said...

my kid peed all over his toys too!! he peed on the floor, the cat, and the whole time he laughed!! i think it was his realization of 'a new toy' to play with. boys learn they can control and aim their pee wherever they want and so that's what they do! i used to get so very pissed off at him!! rest assured, he will eventually stop. don't know when but he will. i promise! potty training is the most horrible time in a parent's life haha! we still have issues with our son and he has been 'trained' for like a year! he holds it and holds it and holds it til the last possible second and then runs to the potty dancing and whining the whole way. some times he pees before he can get it out of his undies...or pees on the floor b/c he didn't get close enough before he lost control...or pees on the seat b/c he couldn't get it up fast enough...sarah said she had the same problems with her joshua. my hubs had the same problems like last week!! haha! j/k. he had issues as a kid too. i guess it's a boy thing. i still get frustrated with him. i've gotten to the point where everyday when i get him dressed, take off his diaper (he will pee the bed if he doesn't wear one), and put on his big-boy underwear i ask him where he goes peepee. he says 'peepee in the potty.' then i ask him what mommy will do if he pees his pants. he says 'spanka da buns.' (hahahahaha!!!! ain't he CUTE?!) it seems to be working. if he knows the consequences before he does the crime, maybe that will help. kids forget easily. they have really quick attention spans. but i think if there is a consistent repetition of what is expected of him and what the punishment is for not doing what he is supposed to do, he will learn quicker. at least that's what we hope as parents!!
now to prove to u that i am not some super-mom who is always doing the right thing and has angels for kids (NOT!), there are some days when i am not consistent. he has accidents and i let it slide, or i just yell at him (which does NOT help, believe me), or i think he is too cute to discipline. but he does know the rules, he knows where to peepee, knows accidents are wrong (he hides it from us-proof that he knows). i've heard that girls are way easier to potty train. thank the Good Lord! altho sarah did have some of the same issues with olivia. she would peepee on the floor b/c she didn't wanna use the potty. she would hold her poopies as long as she could and then it would run down her leg when she couldn't hold it anymore. all kids struggle with potty-training. they all have their own issues. but it will be over soon enough. joshua is a smart kid. once he gets through 'playing' he will do just fine!
i am sorry you are having such a hard time lately. i will certainly pray that you will have your own 'flower patch' to brighten up your world! kids are certainly a trial sometimes. and this age is definitely one of the hardest (it makes terrible 2s look EASY!!). they learn alot at this point in their lives, b/c this is probably when they are the smartest too haha!! i love you, rach! be encouraged! i am here for you. (not saying that ME being here for you is the encouragement-i would probably run and hide if i knew i had me as my encouragement haha!) God is good, ALL the time! He will help you. that is your encouragement.

Rachel 'The housewife' said...

You are always so sweet. Thanks for always encouraging me. I keep hearing about kkids and pee. I guess its not some crazy random thing that only my kid does. Thank the Lord. We are going over where the pee goes. I am trying to spend more one on one time with him. I know that he needs that more than anything. With Lucas and all of his needs, Joshua gets neglected a bit.

Thanks for sharing and encouraging me Beck. I really appreciate your friendship.