Sunday, March 14, 2010


I have the twitch. This is usually brought about by 3 things. Too much caffeine, eye strain or stress. I don't usually know I have either of those things until the eye twitch comes along. Typically for me, its the stress. I don't freak out too much about things, so I don't really know I'm stressed until that dreaded eye twitch starts up.

The stress you ask? Well, my husband has been laid off from work since January. We've been through this before. Many times. But this time around, work isn't calling. We survive on unemployment, VA disability and my small paychecks. Its decently comfortable for us. We don't struggle, but we don't get to party either. Usually, its only for a few weeks that we are living like this. But with the new house, and 2 kids, its getting tighter. The issue now is that, because work isn't calling, we are thinking about when unemployment runs out. We are also dealing with the idea of health insurance running out. That's scary!!

We've been without health insurance before when Joshua was little. But life is different now with Lucas. We CAN NOT be without health insurance. I am starting to get things in order for getting on state health insurance until Josh can find a job that pays and has insurance.

Finding a job isn't the easiest either. Because of my husbands 'situation', career jobs aren't great to find. There are jobs available, but they don't pay enough. There are jobs available, that he is just not qualified for. And then there are some that would be perfect, but he probably won't get because of his 'condition'. I could work, but that's is almost impossible really. If he works too, who would watch the kids? Who would do all of Lucas' therapy. Its a tough situation.

We only have 2 months left until the breaking point. 2 months is a long time. Especially when work could call any day. But 2 months can go by so fast, and well, we'll be there in no time at all.

I am stressed for other reasons, but that is a whole other post. Life has given me some curve balls and I am kind of in a 'woe is me' phase right now. I have been really emotional these past 2 weeks. From my marriage, to thinking about putting the idea of having another baby on the way, way back shelf, and my children- being children. Its nothing too crazy, but it is my life, and I am living it daily.

After my last post about genetic testing and wanting another baby, I've been really thinking about it. What is my life really going to be like with Lucas? He doesn't walk, talk, communicate in any way. He is constantly sick. My miracle baby is a handful. How could I ever really think about having another child. So, I am just going to give up that whole idea for a while. A long while. I can dream, but its a far reality.

So now you understand my twitch.

1 comment:

katie said...

Thanks for sharing this Rach. We, too, have been on unemployment since January. I, too, don't normally stress or "freak out" over things but with a third baby on the way, needing to be on state health insurance, my measly paychecks and the grand total of $152 a week in Unemployment.... tends
to throw me toward the "freak out" side. I'm struggling emotionally and with the extra hormones driving me, it's a bit of a rollercoaster and i'm SO ready to get off the ride!
I love my husband and I love my kids SO much and i wouldn't trade being able to have been home with them this long.... but we may be staring straight in the face of me going back to teaching full time in the new school year. WOWZA! reality hits hard. I'm not ready to leave my girls (although they both would be in a half day preschool 3 days a week).. but then, this little boy that will be brand new in early June? what about his mommy quality time?

Sorry to unload! Just know that i'm praying for you every time i pray for my own situation!!