Sometimes I forget.
I forget where we started.
I forget what we've been through.
It hard to always remember what a miracle Joshua is. How badly I wanted a baby. Desperate to have him. I remember years of infertility and sadness. I was so scared that God wouldn't give me what I had wanted most in the world. I always wanted to be a mom. I never had a career path when asked by guidance counselors. I would tell that that I wanted to be a mom and wife. It wasn't a huge aspiration, but it was my dream.
Then there is Lucas. You might think that its easier to remeber where we started with Lucas. But its not. Yes, its more frequent that it is with Joshua. But its still not easy. When you have a kid who can only communicate with crying, and gets sick all the time, its not something that comes to mind all the time. Lucas wasn't supposed to be here. He was a 'missed miscarriage' as one doctor put it. He was supposed to be blind and deaf, as another doctor told us. Those things are always there. But reading back to the early days, it just amazes me.
I like to think that I write this blog to help 'someone', 'somewhere'. But in all reality, I write this blog for myself. I love reading back. I need to look back. It brings me out of the reality of a crazy house, and back to the love and desire I have for my family. I am blessed, truley blessed.