Jealousy

Is it ok to feel sorry for yourself? For you kids? Well, thats how I am feeling right now. I was on Facebook reading about a couple girls pregnant with their second baby. I got a happy feeling for them, then a sad feeling for me. I remember when I was in their shoes. I was so excited, then not so excited. I just got a feeling of jealousy reading about their babies. Is that ok?

I guess I am just sad that Lucas isn't like the other babies his age. Walking, starting to talk, understanding so many things. Don't get the wrong idea. I love my baby more than life itself. But its still sad to not know what to expect out of life for him. I was talking with a lady at church Sunday about it too. What does the future hold for him? Will he ever date? Have a job? Marry and have kids? Its sad to think that he might not have any of those pleasures in life.

Its weird to talk about this, but in the same sense its great too. Maybe he won't have any problems when he is older. Maybe he will be completely normal for societies standards. And another thing, maybe its all ok. Maybe he won't have to go through so many of the hardships in life. Losing a job, stress, fights.

This is another one of those crazy posts. I just had to get it off my chest. Its hard being Lucas mom, but of so wonderful. Sometimes I just need to get things out. Its sure helps me feel better.

Lay off = Vacation

Multenomah Falls, OR

On the train to the zoo

Hanging at the pool

Federation Forrest, WA

A few weeks ago, Josh came home from work and told me that he had gotten laid off. Super. Didn't we just buy a house? Oh yeah, that's right. But we were smart about things when we bought this house. We knew that we could afford living here if Josh got laid off. He still gets money from disability and that covers most of our living expenses. Its a huge blessing.

Since Josh works construction and works for the union, they don't get vacation days, pay or sick leave. So in the last 2 years we've not really had a family vacation. So we decided to take advantage of the time we had together and have a little getaway. We took off to Portland last weekend and had a blast. We stayed at a really cool hotel. It was a bit too hip for our needs, but it was cool. It was near the airport and train stations, so there was plenty of things to do. We went to the Oregon Zoo on Friday. Hands down, the best zoo I've ever been too. It was great. Tons of animals in a huge place. It had animals from all over, including the Pacific Northwest.

We got to see some of nature, which I love. My husband even sucked it up, and took me the long way home. I wanted to drive the coast and he agreed. After a few hours, I was a bit bummed we went the long way though. It took 3 hours to get to Portland, and 7 to get home!!! It got a bit old. But I was happy that we did it in the long run. The kids were great, except for the bit of puke we had half way through the trip home. Joshua said he didn't feel good, but he was fine. A few hours later he said the same thing, so we pulled over and he puked. He caught us by surprise, that's for sure!

Over all, it was an awesome trip. It was great for our family to get away and have fun together. We are ready for work again, but we are still taking advantage of the time off. We have projects around the house that need to get done, and yesterday we went on a little hiking adventure. We all had fun except for Lucas. He was not a happy baby in the backpack carrier. He wanted out.

Birthday Baby

So I almost published my latest blog. All about my pregnancy and crazy birth story. All about the issues that I dealt with bringing Lucas into the world. I couldn't finish it and left it for another day. I am so glad that I waited. I sat and went over the blog in my head and realized that the blog wasn't about me. The birthday wasn't about me. It was about my baby. It was all about Lucas.



Here he is, able to breath. His heart is beating. His eyes are seeing. His ears are hearing. His brain is working. All of which we didn't think would happen.



When I was pregnant, one doctor told me that my pregnancy was a 'missed miscarriage'. What is that? This was no missed anything.



One doctor gave us an option of abortion. What is that? There was no way!



One doctor told us Lucas couldn't see or hear. What? I don't think so.



My amazing little baby has proven so many wrong. He had prayer from the start and God came through, as usual! He had a purpose and is fulfilling it every single day.



I am blessed beyond measure with Lucas in my life. He has taught me so many things about love. About myself. About the love I have for my husband. And he helped me have a better relationship with Jesus. There is no way that I could have made it through the last year and a haf without being able to lean on Jesus. To cry out to him in my moments of dispare. In the moments that I was so scared and at the bottom. I owe everything to him. Thank you Jesus for my baby!

My oh my

Well, 4 days before his birthday look what Lucas can do!!

I don't think anyone thought this was possible. Our goal was to have him sitting independantly by 1. And look how he took it one step further. I could not be more proud! I was crying watching him today! I am so blessed!