Friday, June 8, 2012

A New World

I have always hoped and believed many things for my child.
When I was pregnant with Lucas, I was told he probably wouldn't survive the pregnancy.
I hoped and believed that he would.
I was told that he might not live outside of my womb.
But I hoped and believed that he would.
I was told that he couldn't hear or see us.
But I knew he could. And I believed he'd prove them wrong.
All of those things weren't true. He was born alive, breathed on his own, came out of tests and surgeries and thrived like they told us he wouldn't.
I have kept hoping and believing as the years have gone by. Simple things like; pooping, swallowing, drinking and eating. Little things that you never imagine your baby NOT doing. I remember his first goals in therapy were to look at me and possibly, eventually, smile at me.
And I'll never forget the moment he followed something and the when he first smiled at me. Those moments will last forever.
As Lucas got older, the milestones grow further apart. Seeing progress gets slower and you start to just settle where you're at. We still have goals in therapy, but they are broader and will take much longer to achieve.
Or so I thought.
Lucas got a walker this past summer. It was a a small, little compact walker that was a struggle to use in the beginning. He couldn't turn and didn't look where he was going. But I knew that we had to use it all the time in order for it to serve its purpose. As he started school, the walker was part of his everyday routine. Mommy wasn't there to carry him and help him navigagte as much, and so, he learned to use it on his own. And quite well actually. The little bugger can basically run in it now!
But in all honesty, I never imagined Lucas without a walker. When I looked ahead at his life, I saw him as a teenager with a walker. I saw him talking, and doing every day tasks on his own. But I just never pictured him walking without assistance.
Here is where I have failed. Did I not hope and believe what I should have been? I feel strange and sad, that I never gave him that dream or allowed myself to even think to that point. Because you know what?

It has been an amazing few months watching Lucas learn this new world of exploration. Every time I see him walk, it still blows me away. I am beyond proud. What a miracle.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Congrats. You seem like you're doing a great job as a mom and parent. Keep faith.